LADY GAGA
Behind the ludicrous and attention-seeking Halloween costumes, the obnoxiously overblown music videos, the swagger jacking of Madonna’s personality, and the conspicuous plot to manipulate the socially awkward and misfits of society into thinking that they have a voice (and are empowered) through her, is a bunch of banal and contrived gibberish heavily propped by media hype that does not live up to it. What began as a bouncy, pixyish, one-woman-show-esque version of what the Spice Girls did in the late 90s has now become an egotistical, overproduced–yet still oddly generic–mess of grating sounds that is irritating to listen to and takes itself too seriously.
Once upon a time this character that is ‘Lady Gaga’ may have provided a cheeky and quirky contrast to what had been the model of what was popular, and it may have been quasi-endearing, but when pop stars infuse that much camp into their image, at a certain point the irony *will* get old and lose its charm. In the meantime, this woman has literally crammed about a decades worth of gimmicks, put-on’s and media saturation into a three year span. We have seen her show up kite high, in meat dresses, with horns attached to her head, dressed as a man, with discharged gay soldiers as her escorts, etc., etc. The ‘shtick’ is old. There are only so many heavy-handed stunts you can use to dumbfound the public into noticing before they become either hostile or jaded, and a backlash ensues.
Lady Gaga has always been a ‘character’ for show, but she has become a caricature and a parody of herself. No longer is it “refreshing,” abstract or inventive; it is now tired and dated. Overexposure is killing the cat and quite frankly Gaga is losing her relevance. By making herself into such a sneaky little cartoon who is force-fed to the public in obscene dosages, she has backed herself into a corner. The only thing left for her to do at this point is to throw on a pair of jeans and act normal, but how boring would that be for someone who named herself ‘Lady Gaga’ and made being strange her ticket to fame? She was here; she dominated the world of music and got her press, but the milk is now sour. The writing was on the wall when dowdily dressed and anything-but-flashy Adele **** blocked what was supposed to be a Gaga-dominating 2011. Kids do not listen to her, it is not “cool” to be a walking freak show…and quite frankly it is not cool to like Lady Gaga now.
RIHANNA
Rihanna is cliche of everything that has ever been disingenuous about the music business. A soulless Barbie Doll, with plastic doll parts, who was plucked off the streets of no where and put on–simply because the outfit was her size. In other words: commerce…created and puppet mastered by money grubbing music executives as a tool to co-opt what is currently popular for fast cash, and pandered to the dingiest of music listeners who are not discerning enough to care.
You have to give the label, the management, the A&R people, the songwriters, the producers, the directors and the thousand other magicians involved their credit for being savvy enough to outfit this garden-variety debutante with material and promotion to keep her afloat…but let’s be real, there is nothing ‘special’ or ‘unique’ about Rihanna, herself. She has little talent, no personality or strong image, nor does she command the stage. Anyone could have been cast in the role Rihanna plays; she just lucked out. For all intents and purposes, Rihanna is akin to a can of Hormel Chili; basically a canned product with a label (and a ‘sell by’ date) on it.
The bottom line is that Rihanna was not built to last and is very “replaceable.” This is why she does not take breaks, and repetitiously puts out a generic by-the-numbers pop album every year. Being that she has little ‘star power,’ in order to sustain her momentum she has to continually strike while the iron is hot, while employing a multitude of petty ‘stunts’ to get attention (tacky wigs, brothel attire, referencing her tumultuous relationship Chris Brown years later.) The moment she sits down to catch her breath, ten more record label assembled chippies will be thrown into the ring and the last two standing will be the next “Rihanna.”
In 2012, no more do we need windup doll acts like Rihanna getting on camera and posing like an androidian cast-off from America’s Next Top Model, while vapidly bleating over an empty dance track, hanging around longer than the fifteen minutes that is typically allotted for manufactured pop stars such as her. It’s just getting sad now, and the quality is dipping. Gone are the pseudo-interesting songs like “Umbrella,” now she is peddling random, monotonous dead air like “We Found Love.” The girl has run her course; at this point she is on autopilot and is fast becoming the equivalent of a skipping record.
KATY PERRY
Take a Lady Gaga song; subtract about $5000 from the recording budget…slow down the tempo just slightly…remove some of the excessive over production…make the lyrics cornier…add harsher vocals…then pander it to an episode of Hanna Montana or Glee and you basically have Katy Perry: a formulaic, trite and annoying blend of valley girl, wannabe Lolita and fake rebel.
Ultimately, she comes off like a robotic singing Kardashian cousin, while posturing a pseudo rogue personality. It is as if some record producer said: “Let’s dress her up like a ****ty Barbie Doll, autotune the **** out of her, and she will sell!” Quite frankly, her music is dorky and sounds custom made for middle school dances. The popularity of it can only be explained by pondering that this is the sort of thing that just happens when fourteen year old girls and college-aged gay guys join forces to take iTunes hostage.
With five overplayed chart topping singles from her latest album, radio has just assumed that she is what people want to hear and therefore arbitrarily gotten behind every song she has put over the last year and a half…which not only makes her played the hell out, but pushes her into the realm of being a ‘fad’ (think Fergie circa 2007.) And we all know fads die hard. One more bite from Katy and people will begin to regurgitate. Katy Perry is very ’2011,’ we do not need her in 2012.
KE$HA
There has always been vapid, throw-away, hedonistic pop tarts meant to not take seriously and to…:::blank stare:::…have ‘fun’ with, but the presence of Ke$ha pushes that concept to an offensive low and makes one literally want to weep for that state of music. There is simply no justification for…for…this.
Ke$ha is basically a latter day Samantha Fox; the embodiment of ‘drunk ****’ pop, whose overall persona is akin to an inebriated college co-ed who jumps on a table at a fraternity party and dances with a cup in her hand. Her music sounds like an ugly combination of a blender, an electric carving knife and a vibrator set to a corny euro-dance beat – all while she babbles and burps her way through the verses and dizzily chants hooks that are just dumb. Basically, what we have here are the ingredients of someone who should have been a one-hit wonder. If Ke$ha only had had one hit in her idiotically infectious song “Tik Tok,” she would not have been quite as bothersome. It is when an annoying, and frankly stupid, formula that should have only been used for a one-off novelty hit becomes the design for two or three more inexplicable hits after that it is time to pull out a wooden stake.
The truth, however, is that Ke$ha is merely a blip (or a symptom) of her era. She is the byproduct of the shallowest sides of Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Rihanna and sleazy reality shows like Jersey Shore, where intoxicated brats who have to be carried out of the party are considered entertaining. This girl happened because pop culture became engrossed with seeing plastic young people turning off their brains, having reckless ‘fun’ and behaving like idiots for attention. Her mantra is abundantly lame now. Even in an era of puffed up hedonism, Ke$ha is still an embarrassment to it. She came out, exploited the scene and scored a couple of inane novelty hits, now it is time for this cretin to be dropped back into obscurity where she belongs. To be blunt: Ke$ha being allowed to breathe in 2012 is frankly unacceptable.
LMFAO
Why a group like LMFAO is out for 2012 is pretty self-explanatory. The shelf life on a campy, silly, ‘of the moment’ act such as this is about as long as the lifespan of a mosquito. With a few goofy club hits that will age disgracefully and quickly fade from the pop culture lexicon, these clowns are – for all intents and all purposes – a modern day version of 2 In a Room. The dimwitted and ridiculous party anthems that they have thrown out are very “summer 2011.” This group is ready-made for a VH1 ‘Remember Them?/Where Are They Now?’ countdown special in a few years. They will not adapt to change, and just as soon as the era they rose to prominence in is over, they are done.
Bruno Mars
Every time I see Bruno Mars, I think of Duckie in Pretty in Pink. Mars’ whole image is reminiscent of a cheesy hipster in a 1980s teen flick, who brings a guitar to school with him everyday and tries to get that frigid wallflower girl into going out with him by serenading her with stale little ditties.
His music likes to masquerade itself as being breezy, sweet, romantic and genuine, but is actually a bunch of over the top and offensively melodramatic fluff. The lyrics to his song lyrics are jam-packed with desperate cliches and/or trite pickup lines that attempts to pass themselves off as clever wordplay (“like a bullet straight through my brain…” The **** is that?!) The hyperactive choruses to his songs, meanwhile, are grating…and the production of the actual tracks sounds like a bastardized blend of bad emo mixed with adult contemporary pop, and is very yawn-worthy.
To put it simply: Bruno Mars is a dork who he makes a Hallmark card seem edgy and is basically a faux-urban version of Chris Isaak for the Twitter generation. While I can appreciate that he seems like one of the few who does not play that overly synth-pop card that the Ke$ha’s and LMFAO’s of the music world continue to barf, he is the opposite extreme and it is as irritating. In 2012, we do not need this cheesy wedding singer on the radio.
JUSTIN BIEBER
Not much needs to be said about the Bieb and why he’s out for 2012, because it is pretty obvious. He is the cliche teen pop star that we have seen various incarnations of before (from Pat Boone…to Lief Garret…to Tiffany…to Hanson…to the Jonas Brothers) that comes around every ten years or so to and make homely little girls squeal and guys of all ages vomit. The cloud of ‘Played Out’ has been subtly hovering over this kids head for a while now. The truth is that Justin’s marketability peaked in 2010; in 2011 he just continued to linger for the time being. His original fan base of twelve year old girls whose wrists were being fitted for purity rings have already begun to outgrow him and in another two years they will disavow having ever been a fan. Give up the ghost and stop pretending…Justin serves no purpose in 2012.
JASON DERULO
It is time to stop pretending with this guy as well. Merely a poppier version of Chris Brown, Jason Derulo’s career was born out of Brown, himself, becoming a media pariah after he whooped Rihanna’s ass and the world of music – for whatever reason – accepting him as a replacement to fill his slot. Derulo, himself, does not stand out in a crowd nor does he have the makings of a being a star. He basically reminds you of a hopeful at a talent show. His music, meanwhile, is radio filler that is immediately forgettable once the song is over.
With Brown seemingly recovering from his detention, there is really no reason for this extra Michael Jackson-wannabe to continue lingering about.
TAIO CRUZ
I liked Taio Cruz better almost twenty years ago when his name was Haddaway. Another momentary seat filling hit maker (ala Ke$ha, LMFAO, Jason Derulo, etc.) in this banal world of electro-pop; this guy is a bland no-name, whose music is just cheap, characterless radio-filler that has zero substance and is no more interesting than the commercials.
There will always be second-tier flavors of the month, who are only in the room because they snuck in while the door wasn’t being watched. In 2012, however, the timer is up on Cruz. Top 40 radio does not need this soon-to-be hasbeen’s brand of empty, depth-less dance music that has the audacity to posture arrogance, despite his being cheesier than a pack of Kraft singles.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Read more:
http://nobullshhh.wordpress.com/