Dear Young Girls,
If this news report is to be believed, you are dipping tampons into vodka and then using them as tampons are meant to be used to get drunk. While I have a feeling one girl once did this back in the 90s and yet it is still a news story, part of me is still limp with shock after listening to this report. I mean, the only way a vodka soaked tampon inside a human being is OK is if Boris Yeltsin started getting his period in Heaven. Sure, you might not get hangovers, but you are putting FERMENTED POTATO JUICE in an area where your FETAL ALCOHOL SYNDROME AFFLICTED CHILD WILL ONE DAY COME OUT OF. You are deviling your own eggs before they even had a chance to give you a child out of wedlock!! This is not a smart move.
What’s next? Are teenagers going to start filling their Diva Menstrual Cups with Cosmos to pre-game? Are young boys going to attach the straw ends of a beer hat into their own ass? Kids, don’t! Use this creativity to get into fashion school and keep the alcohol away any non-oral holes.
Sincerely,
A Concerned Future Parents of a Kid That Will Be Homeschooled
