both partners would be very unhappy and the marriage would probably fail tbh.

This was really only a thing (in the west) when being gay was totally not accepted, and these men were under the impression they could change their sexuality and blend into society if they tried hard enough. I don't think it's fair to call them selfish. They were doing the best they could to survive in an intolerable world.

It shouldn't be happening in the first place. Why not stay single instead of tricking a woman?

Well. as a woman speaking from my point of view, I think it's kinda selfish. Yes.
On one hand I think it must be hard for the man if his family/the society bullies him and he feels like keeping it a secret.
On the other hand I think that the real victim in the end is the wife. The man should be open with his "partner" and not marry her at all.

In this society, sadly, women are always branded "too old" from a certain age on (I don't support this and it's total ********, but that's what a lot of people think). It's harder then for them to find a new partner and they lost so much time in their lives living a lie without knowing it, with a partner who never really loved them.
So yeah it's selfish in the end.

They weren't tricking women.

They were tricking themselves into believing they could change their sexuality If they tried hard enough.

Sadly this is very common in some cultures. I've talked to a guy once who was forced to marry by his family right after high school and has been meeting with guys behind his wife's back. He was 24 and had 4 children

at least we could discuss pop culture and be passionate about it and talk about male's booties and stuff... i could imagine that.

You can't look at this (largely historical, in the west) issue through modern eyes. You will fail to understand it if you do.

Back in the day, being gay was not "normal". It was not even accepted as having a scientific basis . It was seen more as a disease, a flaw, a disorder, a moral corruption, and most importantly, a CHOICE. So in the same way you wouldn't call a cancer patient selfish for thinking they could be free of cancer, you would let call a gay person selfish for thinKing they could be cured of their perceived ailment. And forcing themselves to be with women was seen as a cure. That maybe through repeated exposure they could change.

What's selfish is trying to view deem those of the past as "selfish", when you're only looking at their situation through your current priveledged reality. They inhabited a different world that most of us will never be able to comprehend.

I wouldn't say selfish is the word. Those gay men obviously aren't attracted to women, so they're obviously not marrying women for their own gain. If anything it's just a sad situation because these gay men feel they have no other option but to marry women, and those women unfortunately think they're marrying men who love them when they don't. Also, to be fair, some guys don't even find out they're gay until after they're married and there are also lesbians who do the same thing with straight men.

I pity them because they are unable to be who they truly are because of circumstances.

Whilst I understand that in some circumstances, it might be (almost) mandatory to get married (woman&man), in others it's not necessary. If you're free to make your choices and you still choose to do it, yes, I think it's selfish. The man doesn't only waste his own time, he also tricks his wife and wastes hers.

I wish we'd live in a world where no one wouldn't have to stay in the closet.

I find it REALLY sad... more for the poor woman which thinks she has a loving husband when he's not even attracted to her

Unless she's homophobic, in which case I wouldn't feel sad at all. That would be karma.

It's called coming to your senses.

I don't see a problem with it if they were both open about the situation in the first place (like an arrangement between friends to "keep up appearances" and have children in older times) but I think it is really wrong to do that and then have affairs and sleep around and betray their wife's trust like that. Gay or straight, she probably still loves them.

I feel sadder still for the lady who has to find out (eventually) she's wasted her life on some man who never had real sexual attraction to her. That being said, this thread acts like bi doesn't exist or that people are only gay, bi or straight and not anywhere in between on the scale.

This. I have a friend whose grandfather is gay, and only told it in recent years (after his wife passed away). According to him he never cheated on his wife, have been with a man only before marriage, and never since. Kinda sad