Just asking a general question to y'all to see what your personal experiences / opinions are on this subject.
I just ended a year and a half relationship 3 days ago and I'm already getting that itching feeling that I need a distraction. Not necessarily looking for a relationship, but more-so just chatting and seeing what happens from there.
The issue is, the person I ended it with is taking it very badly, of course. He was convinced I was his one and only and was deeply "in love" with me. I had to end the relationship though (had been wanting to for about 5 months prior) because he was emotionally abusive and we were very toxic together and I had to do what was right for the both of us. I do love him as a person despite the **** he put me through, but the passion/connection/desire to move forward with him has been gone for quite awhile and I finally developed the bravery to end it.
Grindr seems tempting to me but I'm still like, stuck with this curse that I'm responsible for his feelings and I dont want to make him feel like I've just forgotten about him and am already ****ing other guys. But I'm getting advice from both sides. Some of my friends are saying I should start right away, because now's my time to focus on me and my desires. But some of my friends are saying to give it some time, let the both of us completely "heal" and then start dating when I feel my best. I see both perspectives, but I'm in that "I miss him" mode right now and I want to get out of it ASAP so my dumbass doesn't go back for the third time out of sympathy and loneliness.
So what's your opinion on it? How long did it take you to start dating after a break up. Were you the heartbroken/hurt one, or were they?
I know there isn't a right answer, just want to bounce the topic off y'all.
I know personally, my first ex broke up with me when I was head over heals in love with him, we were together for 8 months. It took me about 4 months to finally feel comfortable pursuing someone else.
My second ex broke up with me after 4 months, but I wasn't in love with him so it was mostly mutual, and it took me like 3 days before getting back on the grind.
It really depends on how much you love the person you broke up with. It could take a few days, or a few years. I took me like almost 2 years to move on from my first love. And I don't feel like I'd ever want to fall so deeply in love again.
When I ended the relationship with my ex boyfriend, it took me 2 weeks to get back to dating world. The first week after the break up is usually reserved for you to sort out your feeling or grieve. After you are done with grieving period, you should be in the dating world as soon as possible to help you heal. You don't have to necessarily **** around with other guys. Chatting or seeing other guys can really help you heal.
You said that you don't want the relationship so I guess it's supposed to be very soon like in weeks. Otherwise you want to have another committed relationship then you should start getting into dating world when you are clearly over you ex
Whenever you feel like dating/hooking up/whatever. I'm not going to live by some unwritten rule where I have to wait a certain amount of days/weeks before it's "okay" for me to see someone new :\
Go with whatever feels right for you. I suggest just dating and going out on the town. Have some sex. Just let anybody you meet know that you're just out of a long term relationship and you're not looking for anything other than fun, platonic or otherwise
Considering you are still a little cautious about your ex's feelings - I would probably give it time, but don't let it hold you back from living your life. Coming from tumultuous relationships - I would say focus on YOU for a bit, and then whenever it feels natural...things will fall together. Get together with friends, have dinner parties, go out to see a movie alone.
I would previously get on Grindr after a relationship to get distracted, but felt it was just a sense to fill a void of feeling wanted/desired/wanting attention. It's best to enjoy your single life, and if that includes some casual dating here and there - that's okay. Just don't rush into anything.
Like you previously said as well - there's no right/wrong way to go about it. Just put yourself first, it's okay to be a little selfish. ^_^
For dating, whenever you want.
If you want to start a real relantionship, you should wait until your feelings have been settled in and you are ready to commit your time to another person, but don't rush yourself if you are not sure. Just don't let your feelings overtake you.
When you're no longer hurting, no longer longing for that old thing, emotionally available and genuinely ready to put time and effort into someone new, etc.
whenever you're ready, there is no right answer, everybody deals and goes through a breakup different so as long as you're ready to move on that's all that matters.
