Mikal +/-30
The most wonderful time of the year!
Cuz I hate ****!
Why yes, this year I'm going all Krimma for the theme. Huzzah! It's that time again, time for me to heap praise onto the Brits and Swedes and smash the living hell out of those who currently annoy the **** out of me on the charts. As usual, I have the six lists you all come to expect - Best Songs, Videos and Albums, Worst Songs and Videos and those Guilty Pleasures - but I'm giving you an extra - 5 silly Top Ten lists just to pass the time. Eleven Days with Mikal? Sounds like heaven to me ^_^
December 21 - 30 Guilty Pleasures: To Me, From Me December 22 - 10 Fan Bases That Need To Die In A Fire December 23 - Top 30 Videos of the Year: Why No, I Don't See Ke$ha There. Why Do You Ask? December 24 - Top 10 Foreign Artists December 25 - Worst 30 Videos of the Year: An Ode To Stupidity. December 26 - Worst 10 Reality "Songs" December 27 - Worst 30 Songs of the Year: In Which Nickelback Did Not Finish #1 On The Shitter December 28 - 10 Artists to Watch in 2011 December 29 - Top 30 Songs of the Year: It Looks Like I Threw Darts At iTunes December 30 - Top 10 Eurovision Entries of 2010 December 31 - Top 30 Albums of the Year: NO TAYLOR'S NOT ON THIS LIST. CAN YOU GO AWAY NOW?!
BART?!?!?!? Why the hell is you using SIS is a grown-ass convo? And can someone explain the use of Christina in "Hurt" gif please (note: Christina's really crazy fans are gonna kill me on the 22nd, which is funny as I was once a crazy fan )
Now that I gave away a spoiler reminder it's only 3 days away ^_^
BART?!?!?!? Why the hell is you using SIS is a grown-ass convo? And can someone explain the use of Christina in "Hurt" gif please (note: Christina's really crazy fans are gonna kill me on the 22nd, which is funny as I was once a crazy fan )
Now that I gave away a spoiler reminder it's only 3 days away ^_^
This? It's just another way to say "death." So, whenever something is too much, or someone goes too far, or there's an epic fail of any kind, it's apropos. [although some of the Asian posters misuse it.]
And I call everyone sis now.
And, don't hate too much on Speak Now? The album is brilliant.
Mikal +/-30
presents.... 30 Guilty Pleasures:
My Own Christmas Present!
30 "The Flood" by Take That/"The Flood" by Cheryl Cole
I'm shocked they didn't have a sit down to discuss single order, since it's always funny at Royal Variety to have two acts sing two similar-melodied songs with similar lyrical content AND THE SAME DAMN TITLE. Mind you, neither act really has anything else worth releasing on either Progress or Messy Little Raindrops so I suppose they might as well strike while the iron is hot.
For Take That, it's the return of the Chosen One and his amazing backside to what they supposedly do best. For Cheryl, it's an attempt to show emotional growth. Both fail miserably but they are both "pretty" songs and should get some nice presents for trying.
29 "The Only Exception" by Paramore
Can't lie, I just don't like them. OK, besides "Misery Business." I mean they offer something new to "rock" but are pretty much useless in the field. But this pretty little ditty to discovering love can exist works far more than it should, since it sounds written by Taylor Swift on a Pixie Stix binge. So good on Haley for selling the emotion in the song. She'll get praised and hammered later which is sorta funny I think.
28 "Happiness" by Alexis Jordan
So she's a reality show reject? Good to know. The song is bizarre with the humming and the really too long bridge to the chorus and I personally I don't get how anyone gets love through strength but the club remix is cute to sing along to and I really like her dance move for "priceless." As if she'll ever have enough cash to make it rain
27 "Impossible" by Shontelle
Another song sold far better than it should. I think at one point I had this on the list of the best singles of the year (and the video easily in the worst column) but over time the vocal tics she has began to bug. Thankfully she likes to write good songs and sell them (hello "Man Down") so maybe with a class or three she'll work longer?
26 "Misery" by Maroon5
OK, I blame the video. No I don't want to see Levine mug for the ladies for three minutes. Cuz that's all he does in videos in now. However, the song itself is one of the far better singles and might be their second best next to "Harder To Breathe" is only due to Adam's nasally falsetto actually working with the music.
25 "Hello Good Mornin' (Remix)" by Diddy-Dirty Money f. Rick Ross & Nicki Minaj
Evidence that Minaj, with the right concept/lyrics/mean-muggin-ness is awesome. HGM actually sounds really good by itself but between her and Rick, it exceeds expectations and becomes something easily worth playing many times.
24 "Just The Way You Are" by Bruno Mars
There's something trite and obnoxious about this song that I can't quite put my finger on. But I do think it's a cute little love song regardless of the falseness of the whole thing.
23 "Nothin' On You" by B.o.B. f. Bruno Mars
Another song that seems fake for some reason. That could also be due to how not great B.o.B. is as a rapper. Yet once again the song is cute enough to be liked by me regardless of its shortcommings.
22 "Your Love Is My Drug" by Ke$ha
OK, I'm embarrassed that when downloading the torture that was Animal I kept this. I'm more tortured by the fact that even with how bad an video this was I still like it. And know most of the words to it.
21 "Satellite" by Lena Mayer-Landrut
The Eurovision Winner:
Why yes, she's German. No, I don't get the clipped cokney accent. Or her pronunciation of "love" or why she lets us know she bought new panties for her man. But it's adorkable and peppy and a worthy winner back in May. Now, her going for two in a row is retarded but she'll be popular in Dusseldorf.
20 "Deuces" by Chris Brown f. Tyga & Kevin McCall
Why yes, I really want to hate it. All because of Chris Brown. But the beat is sick. And Tyga's rap is flawless. And Kevin's section is rather awesome. And even Chris doesn't bug as much as expected, especially with the cosmically funny mention of Ike and Tina going to blows in a limo.
19 "Hold You" by Gyptian
It took me forever to track down the title of the song as well as the artist but the reggae beat is hypnotic on this track.
18 "Once" by Diana Vickers
She's not that great but "Once" is a nice quirky song that helps to let her try and stand out from all the other XFactor nonsense.
17 "Suck My Kiss" by Ultraviolet Sound
Lalalalalalalalalalala...muah!
A clever and yet annoying as **** club song, SMK has the pleasure of featuring two people in some of the most hideous outfits of the year while slinging around a keytar. But the earworminess of the song makes it all sorts of fun and entertaining to shake your ass to. Or to try and do the Waka Waka dance cuz the beat lines up well with Shakira :-p
16 "Aston Martin Music" by Rick Ross f. Chrisette Michelle & Drake
OK, so Rick does nothing for me. Even on this song he's such a nonentity and trying so damn hard to sound like Biggie Smalls that I just ignore it. But between Chrisette's operatic voice on the chorus and Drake's slowed-down bridge, you have a couple minutes of awesomeness. Further awesomeness is on Chrisette's own version of the song with Drake's bridge.
15 "Sexy Little Thing" by Ayumi Hamasaki
Ah, there you are!
I can't lie, I almost used "Lady Dynamite" if only to entertain the masses with Ayu at a gay bar. Which would be funny, since here she looks insane and trapped in Gaga's closet (and can this trend end already? Everyone stop trying to outdress Lady Gaga. You're only encouraging the *******). But this compared to Peppy Theme Song To Japanese Show or Sad Ballad To Japanese Show or Whatever The **** That Summer Single was, this is brill ****.
Note: Yes, I know the video seems short. It's because Avex Traxs (her label) hates all humans.
14 "No Hands" by Waka Flocka Flame f. Roscoe Dash & Wale
Here's the stupid rap song that I enjoy more than I should be. It's just retarded and slow-moving and Waka (is he name-dropped by Pitbull in DJGUFIL?)'s voice is horrendous. And really I think people surrounding this song should be shot. But I do get a little nasty on the dancefloor to it, since it basically beckons you to grind your way to the floor.
13 "Fake" by Ai f. Namie Amuro
Look, more Japan!
Naime looks hot as always and I can't lie, Ai impresses me here, she has a set of pipes on her. I also gather she, like Utada, is an American using Japanese to be famous, so more power to her on the whole success thing.
12 "Evil Boy" by Die Antwoord
This is just dumb-**** stupid.
Even if we don't take Ninja seriously (dude's a performance artist) we still have something that Lady Gaga saw and was furious she didn't think of it first. Rat coats, gigantic phalluses, a District 9 claw shout-out, Yo-Landi Vi$$er's Joe Dirt mullet a set of lyrics in Xhosi telling dudes to back off his wang cuz he's both not gay and not interested in getting circumsized (the whole concept of the song is that he'd rather be an evil boy then become a man through tribal customs) while set in the basement from "Dirrty", it's just a seven-layer dip away from being too dumb to function. But Die Antwoord is able to stay just so on the line, making the song more entertaining than crass.
11 "Naturally" by Selena Gomez and the Scene
DIE DISNEY PEOPLE DIE. I decided this year that Demi Lovato was bred to appease emo girls, Miley was made to get tween girls into stripping and that Selena was made to be gay men's newest "diva." And honestly, between this song and "Round and Round" I'm fairly certain I'm right.
10 "Automatik" by Livvi Franc
Sure she's a poor-man's Ciara. Which appears to be redundant at this point (sorry!). But the song is hot as hell, especially all the remixes done to the track.
09 "Find Your Love" by Drake
Not sure when I started liking Drake but all of a sudden Wheelchair Jimmy doesn't make me want to punch him. Maybe it's discovering his whole macho posturing on "Best I Ever Had" is a complete fake. Maybe it was "Over." But what I do know is between AMM, this and his work on "Un-thinkable" I can handle the boy having a career.
08 "Allez Ola Ole" by Jessy Matador
Look, more Eurovision!
Eurotrash at it's finest. Now with gratuitous ass shaking! And stripping...sorta. And the Haka. Considering this was appearing to become the trainwreck in Oslo (taking the title from Spain's moronic performance of "La Noche Es Para Mi" from Moscow), he wrecked the **** out of "proper" nations in racing to a 12th place finish that woulda made it 8th based only on the televotes France never gets. Viva Jessy and the continued trend that I back France in this damn contest!
07 "Freak" by Estelle f. Kardinal Official
I'm still shocked Estelle tried dance diva for her next trick, but thrilled she did. The video I need to find a spot for on the ****-stain list, but her on this song works faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar better than on "One Love" and honestly miles better than it should. And she even uses useless rapper Kardinal Official well on the beat, making him blend well into the rhythm of the track instead of making me want to punch him.
06 "OMG" by Usher f. will.i.am
Not sure when I started liking Usher again. Blaming this song. And the dancing. And the editing. And the end of the video. But not will.i. Cuz he's as stupid here as he's been all year.
05 "Rollacoasta" by Robin Thicke f. Estelle
Don't remember it?
After the strangeness of his whole song selection since getting signed to Star Trak, he actually came up with a decent duet that I really like for some reason. To no one's surprise it went nowhere, meaning we should see him return to his pseduo-molesty ways shortly.
04 "Bed Rock" by Young Money f. Lloyd
The fact that I love this song makes me think I hit my head on something.
03 "Blah Blah Blah" by Ke$ha f. 3OH!3
The fact that I love this song confirms I have had a year-long concussion.
02 "Wear My Kiss" by "Sugababes"
The video is **** but damn it to ****, if this is the last number from any incarnation of the Sugababes I'm thrilled they went out with a bombastic, loud and aggressive song. Closer in spirit to 3 than anything 3.0 or 4.0 could conceive, the song shows that when they get it right, they really get it ****ing right. Too bad just slapping a "Sugababes" name onto this group - in which Heidi holds distinction for longest-serving member but was the first replacement - failed to get the song up the charts.
01 "Whip My Hair" by Willow
I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH. And I'm bald. Good job scary 9-year old with amazing bitchface and enough pro-tools to make you sounds like, well, a mash up of Britney and Rihanna. You've achieved more success in 4 months than I ever will. And I can't stay mad atcha. Your parents on the other hand...
Mikal +/-30
I cant wait 
)
At least you liked it. 
