Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone was born in some ghetto ass neighborhood back when Algeria wasn't a country yet. Born to a mother with beta genes and a father who married the help, she managed to get a motherless yet healthy childhood (which is difficult to get, not everybody has that, as she grew up in Michigan, that indie state (in 2016). An attention ***** by nature, Madonna felt she had to do indie things in order to feel like she was doing something worthy for herself and the world, so she refused the learn the discipline of shaving, among other civilized things, so she probably reeked of B.O. in school. Some years after high school, Madonna decided to leave her flop house and moved to New York, a city which used to be cool back then with only 35 bucks in her BIG ASS coat.
Pictured: FLOP.
After being fired from several places for being Madonna, she discovered her real talent: taking her clothes off, something she did several times with art and beauty as an excuse. Madonna finally landed a record deal, which gave us Everybody, which was a complete FLOP in the mainstream charts, but a cute hit in the dance clubs. She then released other hits, such as Burning Up, Borderline, Lucky Star and Holiday, the latter 3 being some of her most popular songs as of today. By then, Madonna was a known singer but still a bit on the indie side, relative speaking. Her image was starting to become iconic for the decade, by wearing all those silly things all over her body. She was hip now, something she is struggling to be 33 years later.
Pictured: ICON
Now it was time to move on to bigger, newer things, so Like A Virgin was born. She was also invited to the first VMA's, where she ground on that wood so well it gave her internatonal notoriety and shot her celebrity and single up the charts like never before, of course 30 years later she said it was all about her shoe but she is a known liar so whatever.
PICTURED: ****
Madonna soon came out with a new single and a brand new image, something rarely seen back then, with Live To Tell. Madonna RUINED her hair by cutting it off and looking like a German middle aged lesbian, but it topped the charts so whatever. She released True Blue shortly afterwards, which has sold around the same as Katy Perry's entire discography. Now this era, for me is the birth of Troll Madonna, tackling the church with her nipply hit Papa Don't Preach is the beginning of the as-of-now endless troll antics this woman does. It also made her a global icon with the release of La Isla Bonita, which is one of her biggest hits in Latin America and Europe. She also toured with this album, which gave her stadium crowds whenever she went to. By now, this legend had already amassed over 10 hits oh I forgot to say she was in a panned film but no one cared.
PICTURED: Madonna's biggest 80's receipt according to ATRLers.
A bat to the skull later, Madonna was ready to go back on the road with the release of Like A Prayer, EVERYONE knew she was the **** so she had all this promo lined up under the name of Pepsi, a brand that no one uses but seems to be everywhere, a U2 tea. But oh Madonna always has some antics under her sleeve! So after Pepsi agreed to do a deal with her, Madonna decides to release a sexually charged video full of burning crosses and black Jesus dancing around pretending her tatas aren't about to pop out of her unknowingly tight dress.
PICTURED: ****.
Pepsi backed out and Madonna kept the coins, the era went on and Like A Prayer ended up being Madonna's biggest hit (of course a song about fellatio is her biggest song, hehe). Following the success of the lead single, Madonna released Express Yourself, the reason Gaga is over, Cherish, the reason you can't tell your cute girl next door looking friend is a huge **** and Oh Father, the reason Vogue was born, more or less. Oh she also released Keep It Together and that pink elephant atrocity but we shouldn't get there tbh. In all seriousness, this album, along with True Blue, made Madonna a video queen, you can taste the opulence, the class, the photography, ugh legend.
1990 comes and Madonna can't be stopped! She releases I'm Breathless, a soundtrack from her film, Dick Tracy, a film where she actually does well and she looks good when shot from different angles, the singles Vogue, Hanky Panky (better than Vogue) and the ICONIC, EVERLASTING, KATY PERRY OUTSELLER, CAREER DESTROYER IMMACULATE COLLECTION.
PICTURED: Not Janet.
This iconic compilation yields 2 new songs, Justify My Love and Rescue Me, which is better than every Nicki Minaj song ever released. But let's talk about Justify My Love, Madonna was ON FIRE in this video, making out with her current slam pieces and just being Madonna I guess The video caused a HUGE uproar back then, banned from airing on TV and people claming Madonna to go away, now Madonna probably had the biggest throbbing cavernous body engorging due to blood flow redirection ever, so she clapbacked by selling the video and getting richer than we will ever be, she cares more about the money than about us after all.
PICTURED: Dabunique's savings investment.
She also toured this year with her Blond Ambition tour, the reason gays have heightened sensitivity in their nether regions. This tour is the reason every other female artist feel they can pull of theatrical numbers in their shows but they all fail miserabley WITH NO EXCEPTION. She also showed us how she fickles her bean, how she bends over, how she humps her bed when her violent lovers are gone, and most importantly, how she CROAKS. Also try to find her ass during this tour. Jeez. This tour also gave her the name of Twink Exploiter and became the pioneer of reality TV, inspiring shows such as The Simple Life and Keeping Up With The Kardashians.
PICTURED: Business as usual.
This bitch doesn't seem to rest that much because she went straight into filming a movie with Tom Hanks and her lesbian friend and Trump's Nemesis, Rosie O' Donnell, a film where she still can be shot from any angle without any risk at all. For the film, she released a cute ballad, This Used To Be My Playground, a song about her touring power in 2015, it also hit No.1 but no one remembers that. Say goodbye to yesterday I guess. After the song had its run, it was time for new Madonna content! And this bitch went to a recording studio in some random hostel in Slovakia and delivered one of her best albums according to leather bound, gynecological tables using gays: Erotica. The album wasn't just enough! Madonna decided it would be a 'cute' idea to release a book full of images where she rims strangers, gets her cuca tickled by motorists, shaves a poor soul's pubic area, looks at her chocotorro using a mirror, shows every square inch of her boobs, fantasizes about underage men and animals, etc Of course, because we live in a morbid, sick world, the book has sold more than the Bible and every year, leathery gays look for it online in hopes of getting it. She also released a movie but shhhhhh. Back to the album, the lead single, Erotica, was a radio hit more or less, which is weird considering all she does is moan...
Pictured: Me.
The rest of the singles didn't do well, except Deeper and Deeper (her 2nd best song) and Rain, which was clearly released to start a softening campaign, transparent bitch. Her persona during this era was unapologetic as ****, being an absolute mess in some interviews and even shading ABBA in another one, thinking she wouldn't run to them desperately for help 12 years later. She decided to embark on a tour with this album, completely ignoring most of her hits and focusing on a shipped back album apparently, according to a pressed soul. She still managed to fill up entire parks and courts whose capacity was way bigger than the Aloha Stadium, sell out 3 MSG shows and just slay overall, because again, people are MORBID.
PICTURED: ****.
Okay so this is the first time Madonna felt the need to soften her image in order to deceive the public in order to troll some more in the future, so she lay low relatively speaking, then released the GORGEOUS ballad, I'll Remember, which is one of her biggest American hits but since she has so many classics she has the luxury of paying dust to some of them while some others cling to their ily 2,3 hits like Cindy Lauper.
Bedtime Stories eventually came out, her best album according to black people. The lead single, Secret, managed to peak at 3, but the album starting serving legs the moment she released Take A Bow, her longest staying No.1 for some reason . Madonna was feeling herself after releasing a hit that lasted more than 3 weeks at the top of the charts so it was time to troll again and release Human Nature, basically a big fat JK to the world for thinking Madonna would somehow stop being the legendary troll she is, coupled with a scandalous David Letterman interview where she talked about banging entire basketball teams (same) the world stopped cheering and just accepted the fact that this bitch ain't going away anytime soon.
PICTURED: SEXUAL PEST.
Madonna kept shoving her classy persona down our throats by deciding to release a ballad compilation called Something To Remember, her best album according to Humoresque. She served class, pretended her messy antics were over, that her vagina was sewn shut, that life was all about church, God and heartbreak minus the sex, vanilla queen. (This is soooooooooooooooo not the last time she would serve that ****).
PICTURED: A morronga.
She released a couple of more flops but her softened image plan worked! Madonna landed the role of Evita for a musical but sadly, at the same time, she was pregnant with Lola, a baby who would ruin her life forever. She filmed while pregnant and recorded an entire soundtrack, which yielded another classic, Don't Cry For Me Argentina Miami Mix, not the original one, no one wants that turd, And I mean it, people returned the Evita album because the mix wasn't there
She ended up winning a Golden Globe for best actress while serving mammooth breasts, letting us know she will always win no matter what.
PICTURED: DECEIT.
Madonna, being an inspiring artist for everyone, is the pioneer of the typical Facebook bitch who becomes someone spiritual after giving birth and doesn't shut up about it. But Madonna, like everything she does, she did it with quality and under the name of Ray of Light. Ahhhhh Ray Of Light, such a masterpiece, a multiple Grammy winner, it's the album that made the critics believe she wasn't just a prostitute (after 15 years), but a talented one. An absolute reinvention compared to the last album, Madonna ran to the arms of indie producers to create one of the best albums by any artist, male, female or binary. She started the era with Frozen, a trip hop ballad which became her 2nd signature song of the 90's, which was also joined by a video with enough makeup and shady angles to let you believe she didn't crack at all after giving birth to a parasite who absorbed her youth and energy for a whole year.
PICTURED: NOT DECEIT
The era had such a strong start the following singles did just as good as Frozen, just not in the US I guess The second single, Ray Of Light became one of the many signature songs she has, a song she has never sung good live, a song so iconic even Family Guy referenced , just iconic overall. She looks ugly af in the video tho, whatever she is wearing, keep it bitch, this is a thing fans had to start accepting once Lola was born, bitch is cracking so get used to it! Also Ditaboy12 is not welcome here. Drowned World was released afterwards but ask me if people cared. The album revived when Power of GODbye came out and it slayed Europe, I don't blame them tho, Madonna looks GORGE in the video and the song is just THAT good. Legend. Marylin Manson Really Matters was released afterwards, which was a flop thanks to her performance at the Grammys. She also lost the Album of the Year against an artist who can't even fill theaters in 2015 but you didn't hear this from me.
PICTURED: FLOP.
With the new Mylenium in the horizon , Madonna got a new boo and a new fetus to welcome it, sadly the deluded bitch didn't know they wouldn't last long in her life LOL. She started the year with the lead single of Madonanne, Music, a ready to party bop which lasted a month at the top of the charts back when I was 9 years old,her last No.1 because there's no way she will get a new No.1 in the US no matter how many times she attaches herself to Katy Perry or Taylor Swift Following the birth of another fiend, Madonna decides to embark on the Drowned World Tour, a tour that pays ABSOLUTE dust to the songs that made her an icon, and focuses on her recent work instead, back when it actually sold. Despite being the laziest tour she has ever done, she still completed it successfully and didn't use the 9/11 as an excuse to end it, but again....you didn't hear this from me!
PICTURED: Guy, that's your girlfriend? Woof!
Madonna's English celebrity status was at an all time high after boning an Englishman, which led to meeting the other Royal Family and mess around with some Bond films, which gave her another huge hit called Die Another Day, a song dedicated to that time back in the 80's where some camera equipment was gonna squish her while filming Burning Up. Madonna believed it was time to release another album now that she was a boring housewife and wanted to show all that side to us and called it American Life, an album about how much of an hypocrite she is. She decided to tackle the war and released the lead single, called Not Die Another Day, and she didn't seem to realize how much of a bad idea it is to piss of one of the most patriotic countries in the world. . Madonna quickly regretted her petty actions and fearing her life and no one else's, she made a video with flags of the countries where she has outsold Kylie Minogue instead.
PICTURED: Yes, that's an African flag.
Following the backlash, Madonna decided to tongue punch Britney's and someone else's eat holes, which is probably one of the most popular images on the internet so I'm not gonna bother to post it. I think it's more important to let you know that Hollywood didn't even chart after the promo Madonna also found herself in an incredibly tight spot, her music was panned, her persona was panned, her whole life was panned so for some reason she went after the only public she hadn't corrupted yet: Children. Madonna wrote a couple of children books which were totally bought only by children and no one else.
PICTURED: *****
2005 came and Madonna knew time was going by so quickly and it was now or later to come back in the music scene or just give up and keep writing **** no one cares about. So she did a couple of things first. No.1. She ran to the boring group ABBA and begged for a sampling, since she always wins at the end they said yes. No.2. Cast a spell she can't undo on Kylie Minogue's breast so she doesn't do Glastonbury and she can return being l local in some random country in Eastern Europe a couple of years later, which worked. She also stole her whole disco thing but since every single and the album managed to sell over a million copies each, no one batted an eye. Madonna finally released Hung Up, which is arguably Madonna’s biggest hit worldwide or her most forgotten flop, depending on who you’re talking to and she was back at the top, where she belongs (ask his bottoming husband). The video was also the hottest or most disgusting thing to be released, again, depending on who you’re talking to, I personally don’t mind the crotch closeups but I’m pretty sure some people do.
Pictured: AMBITION
Madonna was riding a 10th wave by now, she had recruited tons of fans and embarked on the Confessions Tour, which helped her recruit even more fans as she toured. It’s important to note all these new disco queens dropped her ass the moment she released her next album. She also managed to look drop dead gorgeous during the era and tour for the last time, which is why Confessions On A Dancefloor is the worst thing to happen to Madonna.
PICTURED: It all goes downhill from here.
After ****ing Stuart Price and being a thot overall, Madonna’s marriage was slowly but surely ending which led to some well written, deep, thoughtful lyrics for her next album; combined with menopause, Madonna felt the need to be young again, which made her call for producers who made the sound of 2006, you know, 2 years before 2008, the current year then and created Hard Grammy, the best selling r&b album by a white woman in her 50’s. The lead single was 4 Minutes Ft. Madonna, which made her feel young, hip and loved for 3 months before she released the cover of her album, and repelled every fan she created in the 00’s away just like that.
PICTURED: What you see before you die.
The thing is, they were repelled because they weren’t able to handle the flawlessness this album emanates from Madonna’s dark colored crotch. Pan after pan, Madonna believed in the power of hip and young producers, so she clung to this album like old gays cling to Ray Of Light. Madonna released the second single, Give It 2 Me (HER BEST SONG UGHH) which completely demolished Europe and South America, followed by Miles Away, a song for the emotionally retarded, or so she says. Other FLAWLESS GEMS are Incredible, Spanish Lesson and Ring My Bell, all bops, all flawless. Madonna was bothered AF because her wrinkly image, generic bops and work were all panned right in her stretched face, so she did what does best: Shove her ideas down everyone’s throats by embarking on the Sticky and Sweet Tour, a stadium ready tour which toured from upscale posh countries to your immigrant grandmother's hometown. Madonna, of course, being hated by everyone in the world, managed to sell out every date and bring the millions so easily while other contemporaries settled with theaters and cancelled because of mysterious illness and stuff. It holds the record of the highest grossing tour by an ugly artist.
PICTURED: 408 million dollars.
Millions of people and a couple of dead workers later, Madonna still felt Hard Candy was not impactful enough, so she decided to include it in all her tours afterwards and reference the album in as many was as she can without being called out, and even if she is called out, she clearly doesn’t care. A couple of years of indieness and releasing random **** no one buys, Madonna, again, decided it was time to release new music and started working with talented musicians such as Nicki Minaj, because there’s not a better artist to call when you want to go back in the game as a respected musician like Nicki Minaj. Madonna was invited to the Superbowl and she obviously believed they all died to hear the new single instead of Hung Up, Ray Of Light or Like A Virgin so she went on her route and the single managed to stay at the top 10 for a week before falling down and receiving less than 50k views a day on Youtube.
PICTURED: The reason everyone cares about the Halftime Show now.
After falling 80% the second week in sales and being ignored by radio when the cash stopped coming in, she still believed in MDNE so she released a couple of more singles which reached the top 5 in Italy and nowhere else, which is why she made like 5 stadium stops in there for her MDNE Tour, transparent. Overall a successful tour, the MDNE Tour is iconic for different reasons: Dragging politicians, showing her nipples in muslim countries while his poor, scarred son was backstage, serving crow during several songs, and the most important of all, showing her bussy WATCH AT YOUR OWN RISK:
PROJECTED: What she ate for breckys.
A year after the tour, Madonna felt like she wanted to be hip and cool again and she decided it was time to get an Instagram account. Instead of showing off her breakfast, her clothes, her loaded life to us, she showed us her cameltoe, her son’s underage *****, exploitation of dead politicians, typos, meltdowns, horrible selfies and just bad pictures overall.
PICTURED: This woman created Frozen.
2014 was going by when Madonna wanted to be hip again and started working with Aviccii, a DJ who stole the sound she pioneered in 2000, she saw herself looking at upscale young people bopping to her music the way they bopped to Hey Brother and Wake Me Up so of course she had to go there. Hiring talented musicians like Natalia Kills and Nicki Minaj, Madonna really believed in her work, being inspired by her sons (bad idea) and the current music scene (bad idea again). Just as she was finishing her album, some random Israeli ‘hacked’ her drive by exploiting Madonna’s technologically impaired ass and released every worked song to the world. Madonna, trying to act fast and effectively, decided to release 6 songs as a preorder where the lead single was included, absolutely killing Living For Love’s chart run, because that’s exactly what she wanted I guess. Not giving up as always, Madonna went on a promo campaign which absolutely failed as not a single song managed to chart high.She embarked on her latest tour, The Rebel Heart Tour, which grossed half of what she did during the last tour, but since we are delusional and love living in a lie, we like to think it was because she wanted an intimate setting. It showed a more relaxed Madonna just having fun and pretending life was good while her son had given up living with someone whose nipples are the first thing you see the minute he opens his social media.
PICTURED: ROLE MODEL
Nowadays Madonna hangs around her house recording embarrassing videos of her family and sometimes she bothers to go out and look flawless, saving the ugly for when she actually has an era going on. Bless her.
Forbidden Love (from COADF), Lucky Star, Miles Away, She's Not Me, Like A Prayer, La Isla Bonita.. **** there's too many songs i love from her the list can go on an on.
That is the cool thing about M! There are so many songs that can become favorites because they're so distinct... I could also name Frozen, Ray Of Light, Secret or Dress You Up as favorites.
Wolff Ive sent some receipts through PM, here's one more:
Madonna embarked on the Sticky & Sweet Tour; her first major venture with Live Nation. With a gross of $280 million, it became the highest-grossing tour by a solo artist, surpassing the previous record Madonna set with the Confessions Tour. (Lol she fights against her own records)
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oh I forgot to say she was in a panned film but no one cared. 
, Madonna got a new boo and a new fetus to welcome it, sadly the deluded bitch didn't know they wouldn't last long in her life LOL. She started the year with the lead single of Madonanne, Music, a ready to party bop which lasted a month at the top of the charts back when I was 9 years old,her last No.1 because there's no way she will get a new No.1 in the US 
. Madonna quickly regretted her petty actions and fearing her life and no one else's, she made a video with flags of the countries where she has outsold Kylie Minogue instead.
(from COADF), Lucky Star, Miles Away, She's Not Me, Like A Prayer, La Isla Bonita.. **** there's too many songs i love from her the list can go on an on.
