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Mikal's 20 Best/Worst
ATRL Senior Member
Member Since: 9/24/2001
Posts: 10,763
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Comming this Wednesday, 20 Best Songs and Videos, 20 Worst as well. And 20 guilty pleasures to entertain
And trust me, you can't use the lack of countdowns to determine my #1 on anything...ok, maybe for the worst of the year
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Banned
Member Since: 10/21/2001
Posts: 25,547
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I hope you don't have a terrible #1
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ATRL Senior Member
Member Since: 9/24/2001
Posts: 10,763
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So...to begin a five-day sprint of the highs and lows of 2006, lets start with....
20 Worst Videos Of The Year
20 Blindfold Me, Kelis
Kelis tried to reclaim the crazy crown from Beyonce by screaming about liking to get sexy on while blindfolded. Of course then we see her dressed like a icicle, stuck on a beach and trapped in the jungle. And at no time does she look sexy. Not even when Nas strips her to her Grace Jones dominatrix dress.
19Lost Without U, Robin Thicke
Ok, so we could say his "Wanna Love You Girl" is worse, since we all got to see the hopeful end of the Hype Williams (who stole my idea from my Gwen avatar two years ago) Video-In-A-Video thing. But when you look greasy and unkept and sounding somehow worse than ever - like take the balls OUT of the press - while being deluded over some girl is both annoying and worrysome. We all love Star Trek and Pharrell but he's taken you from Awesome Mangy Jesus to Justin Sans Balls.
18 Fergalicious, Fergie
My annoyance has already been discussed - the pointless Samsung plug, her ruining Girl Scouts and candy for me, her bathing in cake, their inability to spell right. It's just a ridiculus mess to hide the fact that the song is apparently about her vagina. As all songs should be about - Fergie's vagina.
17 Before He Cheats, Carrie Underwood
Bitch please. Miranda Lambert with this song? Sold! Julie Roberts with this song? Clinch! Hell, even Faith Hill would sound menacing here. Carrie sounds like the snide bitch in high school who would ban you from the cool kids table. So seeing her strutting like some bitch ready to take vengance on a car, wind, or windows is just hysterical. Go back to thanking Jesus for driving, Lil' bot.
16 Wind It Up, Gwen Stefani
What's not to hate here? She takes The Sound Of Music and makes it look like a jumbled mess done on the fly. While wearing a ****** bang wig. And forcing your Slave Girls to play blonde. And then not understanding how to spell LAMB on your chest. And the "dancing" and the outfits and the decision to do that one scene around the gate.
15 Tell Me Baby, Red Hot Chilli Peppers
Alright guys...you don't have to do a video if ya don't want to. You don't have to hire many amateurs try to lip along with you and Flea take on Madonna with his leotard. Just take a vid off for a change rather than going lo-fi just to get revenge on people.
14 Far Away, Nickleback
Ay yi yi. Boys, stop. Your slocky songs have the same vid - pained woman, moron of a guy, trick ending. It's like a M. night Shamalamadingdong movie. Yeesh.
13 Sorry & Get Toegther, Madonna
We have Madonna looking like a clown in a shiny shiny leotard while attacking strange men. And then finding Tranny's roller rink. And then we get you performing at Coachella done by Target. Apparently she gave up after Hung Up stalled on the radio. Maybe that explains the S&M equestrian ****.
12 Sexy Love, Ne-Yo
Ooh, let's make eviction sexy! And have two barely legal idiots look all sweaty! And a ****** song can be lipped! Brilliant!
11 Me & U, Cassie
So Cassie can't sing, Cassie can't dance, Cassie can't kiss a mirror, Cassie can't pose in heels in a corner, Cassie can't be edited like she's able to dance. Diddy can certainly pick'em when it comes to new "talent." Maybe she can really give good head, like it sounds like she can in the song.
10 U & Dat, E-40 f. T-Pain and Kandi
Um...props for showing a real woman. Negs for a video that does a good job promoting women to a position of "A Walking Ass." Sorta like "Miss New Booty." Of course they promoted it with a woman apparently playing Walking Ass Hook Girl singing about how he couldn't place his thang on it. Of course, considering T-Pain wanted to ride a monkey to her donkey....what?
9 Call On Me, Janet Jackson f. Nelly
Cpt. Nelly Stubbing took Miss Janet Jackson, the Sahara Desert, the Jolly Roger, China and a big ass budget on a cruise to shitsville. Considering you couldn't HEAR her singing, it amplified the crappyness of the video about sevenfold. And that says something when you spend that much on costuming and cgi and make it look like nine dollars total. Along with some clown makeup.
08 Rush, Aly & AJ
What does two psychotically evangelical Christian girls running around a beach getting money to buy a mic for their cabana have to do with anything? Especially considering the song is some life affirming "be yourself" thing. All we learn is that being poor in paradise sucks unless you can trick idiots into paying you to shut up.
Oh, and I like the song. Shut up.
07 About Us, Brooke Hogan f. Paul Wall
Beauty Who Can't Sing with the Beast Who Can't Rap. Also known as "Dancing for beginners, vol. 1." Or "Why white girls don't wear grills." Or the hopeful death of "teen" pop, if we get entitled spoiled brats acting like they are even legal to be in the club and can dance.
06 Lips Of An Angel, Hinder
Take. A. Bath. And stop singing. And maybe lay off the drugs that made you think that all that nonsense sounds sane when it came from whatever director got punished with this video.
05 A Public Affair, Jessica Simpson
So Jessica tries to come back against Nick by taking Madonna, a choir, and some crack, sending into a blender, getting a contract with Hewitt-Packer and adding skates and Ryan Seacrest. What could possibly go wrong with this, says I
04 I Write Sins, Not Tragedies, Panic! At The Disco
When My Chemical Romance does masterful video concepts, they work well with the song and come off classy and original. When a gang of morons who couldn't breakup after their senior performance of "Godspell" do the same thing, it comes off as derivative and pretentious. When you use snippy old language to make people run to find a dictionary, you are fully pretentious. When you dress up people as Cirqu du Soile clowns on acid and don A Clockwork Orange outfit, I want to hit you. Hard. I blame MySpace for Panic! but I soley blame them for their attempt to be My Chemical Romance.
03 So Excited, Janet Jackson f. Khia
Now we got an "O" face we never needed to see. Ever. Seriously ever. And then JD is shaving. And Janet can't keep her shirt on, cuz she lost weight and she thinks we need to learn where her titties are. And we still. CAN'T. HEAR. HER. DAMN. IT. And they they confine Khia, the only decent portion of the damn song, to a TV box. And the dancing is somehow regressed back to early 80s nonsense. 20 years old? Yeah, if stuck in a time-warp is what ya want.
2 Check On It, Beyonce f. some ****** rapper again
Yes, this was like #12 last year. I don't care. She's still in a pink vagina wearing crappy clothes and driving me insane with a song that makes me want to swallow gravel.
1 Deja Vu, Beyonce f. Jay-Z
Begin with crazy, end with crazy. We have Beyonce dressed (in a ****** wig) by her mom, sounding bored with Jay Z, who also sounds bored throughout. We have Beyonce lost in Georgia running around like a loon missing their head. We have Africa Beyonce, trying to shake her head harder than the beat. We have Beyonce attacked by sparkles while she does a poor Tina Turner routine. We have Beyonce attack Jay Z's crotch and look bored. We have Jay trying to remove Beyonce's hand from his head while also looking bored. Seriously, we have a video that appears to have been made by zombies hopped up on Pop Rocks and Dr. Pepper.
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Member Since: 10/19/2004
Posts: 13,032
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I dont agree with every choice, but each comment made me laugh! You didn't dissapoint
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Member Since: 9/16/2004
Posts: 34,379
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IMO, Deja Vu, Check On It, A Public Affair, Sorry shouldn't not be on.
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Member Since: 4/26/2006
Posts: 3,586
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LMAO. I don't agree with much, but I laughed my ass off.
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ATRL Senior Member
Member Since: 9/24/2001
Posts: 10,763
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Nothing funny for the following, since I had it all written out and then the computer crashed. Sigh.
Worst 20 Songs
20 Fergalicious, Fergie
19 Chain Hang Low, Jibbs
18 Unfaithful, Rihanna
17 Will You Go With Me, Josh Turner
16 Show Stopper, Danity Kane
15 Tim McGraw, Taylor Swift
14 Change Me, Ruben Studdard
13 Don't Forget Remember Me, Carrie Underwood
12 Sexy Love, Ne-Yo
11 Yo (Excuse Me Miss), Chris Brown
10 S.E.X., Lyfe Jennings
09 Far Away, Nickelback
08 Lips Of An Angel, Hinder
07 Hate Me, Blue October
06 Doin' Too Much, Paula DeAnda
05 U & Dat, E-40 f. T-Pain and Kandi
04 Me & U, Cassie
03 Saying Sorry, Hawthorn Heights
02 A Public Affair, Jessica Simpson
01 Deja Vu, Beyonce f. Jay-Z
I promise to add funny and snide comments later. And comming Saturday night will be the 20 guilty pleasures!
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Member Since: 4/30/2002
Posts: 3,522
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HAHA I loved your writeups...but I disagree about Deja Vu!
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ATRL Senior Member
Member Since: 5/9/2003
Posts: 3,779
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Member Since: 1/11/2006
Posts: 9,198
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I may not agree with most of the choices, but the comments are just funny as hell
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Member Since: 12/27/2005
Posts: 6,870
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O.M.G
Your Comments are like Wickedly The Best Eveeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!You rock man!!!
This is the best:
1 Deja Vu, Beyonce f. Jay-Z
Begin with crazy, end with crazy. We have Beyonce dressed (in a ****** wig) by her mom, sounding bored with Jay Z, who also sounds bored throughout. We have Beyonce lost in Georgia running around like a loon missing their head. We have Africa Beyonce, trying to shake her head harder than the beat. We have Beyonce attacked by sparkles while she does a poor Tina Turner routine. We have Beyonce attack Jay Z's crotch and look bored. We have Jay trying to remove Beyonce's hand from his head while also looking bored. Seriously, we have a video that appears to have been made by zombies hopped up on Pop Rocks and Dr. Pepper.
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Member Since: 6/23/2005
Posts: 11,884
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OMFG!!!
LMAO
Cant stop laughing!!!
Keep doin it, dude!
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Member Since: 9/24/2001
Posts: 4,028
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lmfao at the comments.. I wouldn't expect anything less from you
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ATRL Senior Member
Member Since: 9/24/2001
Posts: 10,763
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I knew ya'll would approve *gumsnap*
So, how about Mikal tries to justify some ****** taste of his own?
Mikal's 20 Guilty Pleasures
20 Money Maker, Ludacris f. Pharrell
Why? Because sometimes songs that make women out to be A Walking Ass can be good. Pharrell apparently got head a lot to give a good beat out, since the rest of the year he apparently spent in a coma musically. Plus the chorus is catchy. And I can be a big ass hypocrite if I wanna be
19 For You I Will, Teddy Geiger
Why? For being John Mayer light, the song is a rather inspired take on teen pop. He'll be a flash in the pan with those chompers he has, but the song could easily wiggle its way into teen comedys for years to come (Yay needed big kiss scenes)
18 Chemicals React, Aly & AJ
Why? Besides them pretending to be rawkers and making the final song played at a teen comedy, Aly & AJ showed how to maybe use guitars to make a rock-sounding-noise. Nickelback, Blue October, Hinder and other supposed rock bands should take note that when a Disney act sounds meaner than you, you need to stop whatever the hell you are doing.
17 Touch It Remix, Busta Rhymes f. every living rapper left
Why? Firstly, I love the Daft Punk sample. Secondly cuz we get to hear Mary J rap. Third, it's got Missy. Fourth, it has about 19 more rappers than needed. Fifth, he somehow convinced DMX to act sane for four bars. Sixth, he made Eminem's fat ass (and yes he was fat) show up to the BET Awards to do it on tape or live, I forget if he or DMX ditched. Seventh, who says you can never have toio many rappers with no similarities lied to you.
16 Stealing Kisses, Faith Hill
Why? She actually sold a song. Not in video form, where she did her best Deja Vu impression on a bunch of teenage Catholic School Girls, but in song. Somehow the first CountryBot improved, just in time to be ursurped by a blonde who also cannot translate song into meaning.
15 Touch The Sky
Why? The video. Still don't like Lupe, but he's more useful visually while Kanye continues to act like a bigger ass. And we all love Kanye for it.
14 London Bridges, Fergie
Why? Cuz it's ear crack, methinks. Seriously, the song blows major donkey Tranny Jess ****, and yet I love it to death. For while sucking, it sucks so much it comes back to being awesome.
13 Leave The Pieces, The Wreckers
Why? A pleasant return of Michelle Branch with her blonde pal that has to play Nancy Wilson in this funny remake of Heart. And the fact that the song is rather nifty anyways.
12 Startin, Ayumi Hamasaki
Why? JPop with a guitar beat! Like anyone knows what she is saying, her soft ass vocals work bizarely well on the syntho beat and guitar racing to keep up with the video game the song was a single for. Love to steal that beat and make an awesome rock song out of it...
11 Get Up, Ciara
Why? Cuz Ciara blew JD and Terry Lewis to steal Janet's album from under her nose. Seriously, remember when nuroad was all like "Janet's making a sequel to Control" and 99.98% of the board rolled our eyes? Well, that's cuz Ciara re-did her hair just right and scored the tetris beat better than Lady Soverign did while getting a perfectly crafted dance jam. Ciara apparently got more "Control" than JJ did, that's for damn sure.
10 Do It To It, Cherish
Why? Cuz it makes almost no sense. Like I spent a good third of the time I heard it trying to decifer the words, then a third tryoing to put them together and then a thrid trying to figure out where Sean Paul's accent went (before I ever heard of Youngbloodz. Shut up.)
09 Paris Hilton
Why? Cuz we all hate it, but secretly we like it. Like the Spice Girls. Seriously, bitch can't sing.
We can agree that Stars Are Blind is **** on a shingle and the video is pointless. We can agree...maybe that Nothing In The world is a good song with a crappy singer. With a nonsensical video. But Turn It Up, Turn You On, I Want You are some of the best dance songs I heard all year and if given to anyone with a better ProTool machine *coughVaginaMcBrit* would have signaled a triumphant return of teen pop.
08 Crash Here Tonight, Toby Keith
Why? Cuz Toby shocked me with a classy love song. And he had Heather loclear in his video. I belive that's all we need to be sold.
07 Boondocks, Little Big Town
Why? Country ABBA. Yeah, that's really all there is.
06 Bossy, Kelis
Why? Cuz Kelis released a bad song that was so awesomely bad, you had to love it.
05 Ring The Alarm, Beyonce
Why? I have no clue. This might be worse, visually and lyrically and musically and Beyonce-ly worse than Deja Vu. But somehow, for some reason, I cannot get enough of the song. It's insessant and rampant stupidity and making out Jay Z...er...the guy to be a total stooge who was bought and paid for by Beyonce actually works the more you hear. And the video is a laugh-a-minute comedy of errors fashion-wise and ponytail-based.
04 Rudebox, Robbie Williams
Why? Cuz it can't be a Mikal countdown without some Robbie humpin, no? Yes, the song sucks. But I still love to sing along...sorta....not really well to the chorus and trying to picture how much meth Robbie was on when he agreed to do the song. "Lovelight" is years better and shoulda been the lead track, but it's Robbie!
03 Buttons, Pussycat Dolls
Why? I really don't know. It's not like anyone other than Nicole sings, since Minority Girl just moans like Janet on a bender.
02 Red Dress, Sugababes
Why? Because it's not Amelie's fault the magically sucked ass. it was Keisha wailing horribly. But with Mutya the Queen Bitch of My Heart gone, we needs a scapegoat, so lets blame the praying mantis impersonating a woman.
Check out the original "Red Dress" where Keisha doesn't sound like **** to see how brill BritPop can be and how messed up the American pop scene is.
01 Eurovision
Why? Because you want nutty pop, you go there. Seriously. We had this year a dude with a mullet, a comedic woman who pissed all of Greece off, siz Lithuanian bragging about how they are winning, a shitload of drums, a Madonnawannabe, steel jump ropes, creatures from The Lord of The Rings, lots of dancing with chairs, schoolgirls and more. And they all got votes!
Want proof that some genious (and insane) pop is European? Try the Ukraine (Show Me Your Love by Tina Karol and a jumprope), Sweden (Invincible by A Big Ass Wind Machine), Finland (Hard Rock Hallelujah by Lordi). Want Carribbean beats? Go to Moldova (Loca by that guy from O-Zone and a Britneyclone). Need a ****** breakup song? Greece (Everything by Anna Vissi), Ireland, Poland (which might just eb the worst song not made by Beyonce this year) and Andorra (Sense Tu by Jennifer) are up your alley. Weird BritPop came from the Netherlands (Anamana....something) and Belgium (Je'tadore by Kate Ryan) but not the UK, which went "rap" (seriously, just send Jordan already. She and Peter Andre would so win with the smaltz).
MTV so needs to show this live.
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Member Since: 9/9/2006
Posts: 3,227
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I laughed so hard at Fergalicious, Lips Of An Angel, and Sexy Love's comments
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Member Since: 9/9/2006
Posts: 3,227
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I find it interesting how you put Ring The Alarm so high up ur GOOD list.
If it was me, i would have switched the songs on the guilty pleasure to the worst videos and vice versa...for the most part
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ATRL Senior Member
Member Since: 9/24/2001
Posts: 10,763
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Trust me, I am way confused about my secret love of Ring The Alarm and endless humor and hate of Deja Vu. But it's there.
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Member Since: 6/17/2006
Posts: 6,541
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wew!
paris in #9
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Member Since: 1/11/2006
Posts: 9,198
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Red Dress <333333333333
I hope to see Girls Aloud on the best ongs list
RTA, PAris (I Love the TURNS <3), Buttons, Get Up
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ATRL Senior Member
Member Since: 9/24/2001
Posts: 10,763
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Little late...but the Best Lists
No comments, since I like them and all
Best 20 Songs
20 Men & Mascara, Julie Roberts
19 Walk Away, Franz Ferdinand
18 Maneater, Nelly Furtado
17 Miss Murder, AFI
16 Not Ready To Make Nice, Dixie Chicks
15 Hard Rock Hallelujah, Lordi
14 Smiley Faces, Gnarls Barkley
13 The View Of The Afternoon, Arctic Monkeys
12 Show Me Your Love, Tina Karol
11 Temperature, Sean Paul
10 Get Together, Madonna
09 Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol
08 Something Kinda Ooooh, Girls Aloud
07 When The Sun Goes Down, Arctic Monkeys
06 Promiscuous, Nelly Furtado f. Timbaland
05 SexyBack, Justin Timberlake f. Timbaland
04 Rise Up With Fists, Jenny Lewis f. The Watson Twins
03 S.O.S, Rihanna
02 Crazy, Gnarls Barkley
01 I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor, Arctic Monkeys
Best 20 Videos
20 Hurt, Christina Aguilera
19 Show Me Your Love, Tina Karol
18 Heartbreakers Alibi, Rhonda Vincent f. Dolly Parton
17 Red Like A Rose, Alan Jackson
16 Hips Don't Lie, Shakira f. Wyclef Jean
15 Stupid Girl, Pink
14 Love Like Winter, AFI
13 I Love My Chick, Busta Rhymes f. Kelis
12 Snap Ya Fingas, Lil' John f. The Eastside Boyz and E-40
11 Like We Never Loved At All, Faith Hill and Tim McGraw
10 When The Sun Goes Down, Arctic Monkeys
09 El Manana, Gorillaz
08 Welcome To The Black Parade, My Chemical Romance
07 S.O.S., Rihanna
06 Promiscuous, Nelly Furtado f. Timbaland
05 Knights Of Cydonia, Muse
04 Rise Up With Fists, Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins
03 SexyBack, Justin Timberlake f. Timbaland
02 Here It Goes Again, OK Go
01 Crazy, Gnarls Barkley
And my own solo pics:
Album Of The Year - Everything They Say I Am, That's What I'm Not by Artic Monkeys
Artist Of The Year - Gnarls Barkley
Male Of The Year - Busta Rhymes (like I'd say James Blunt)
Lady of The Year - Jenny Lewis (try "The Big Guns" and "Born Secular" for proof)
Surprise Of The Year (good) - Ciara
Surprise Of The Year (******) - Beyonce
3 Predictions of 2007
(1) Britney "retires" and finds her panties
(2) American Idol champion (Latino, 22, can be urban) will be the first one since Ruben not to get a #1 single
(3) Nicole Ritchie will pass away due to complications from anorexia. Sad to say, but she's on her way to it.
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