Er...anyone notice the gigantic memo explaining how the Best Of works? It's MY countdown you say? Hello, the +/- is already my countdown and I have no idea what peoples xx/10 means in terms of **** I hate. I always assumed that was self-explanatory...
Anyhoo...
It's time for me to bitch and moan or heap tons of praise onto **** you don't listen to since "3" is the only song on your iPod
This year I have been going back and forth on the whole Best Of The First Decade thing and while still not set, I might do something like it come New Years Week. But Krimma Week means 2009, baby!
December 21 - 30 Guilty Pleasures. That means song I should hate or that I even hate but still love for those in the back who don't comprehend well. Yay ^_^
December 22 - 30 Songs Worth Keeping. No idea what this means
December 23 - 30 Songs That Should Die Now. Especially If It Means Never Hearing Taylor Swift Or Eminem Again.
December 24 - 30 ****-ass Videos. Cuz they suck. No, don't you defend them.
December 25 - 30 Brill Videos. Yes, Rihanna made the list. No, I don't care if she eats small churren or "deserved" Chris Brown driving with her face,
December 26 - 30 Albums That The Grammy Board Should Have Considered For AOTY Rather Than 4 They Picked. Even if it was just released.
Yep, I somehow keep increasing my picks and this year we have 30 to the coin. Along with 5 choices to move in should somehow my taste change after the fact.
I see you're hating up a storm per usual. Who's the one they should've kept? DMB? Don't make me laugh.
Keep the prayers to yourself and yes, DMB is the only one of the 5 worth nominating. Mind you, I wouldn't have nominated it for AOTY either but the album is far far faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar better than I Am, The Fame, Fearless or The End. So nyah!
Presents:
30 Songs I Really Should Not Like. Why? I Haven't A Clue!
Songs just off the cuff...meaning I like them enough to not feel too guilty about liking them. * Make Me, Janet Jackson * Ego, The Saturdays * Wait Your Turn, Rihanna * Circus, Britney Spears (which made the **** list last year) * Patron, Kenan Dogulu
And now...with a **** ton of YouTube clips since a lot of this list is international...maybe i should add a 30 Best International Songs?...
30: "3 Words" by Cheryl Cole f. will.i.am
In all honesty I almost put this in the Best Songs list, as the song is rather good, especially for a will.i. song. However, we still have spilling for no damn reason and with the release of the rather ugly video (maybe if we had just a blond be-wigged Chezza for the clip) with really ugly shin-panels on the short-normal-not weave'd Cheryl and will.i. looking like he'd rather be doing meth off Fergie's *** we have a failure of execution.
And yet....and yet I still heart it a lot.
29: "Meet Me Halfway" by the Black Eyed Peas
Look, will.i. is back! This time, the reason it's here instead of being ignored is due to, well, Fergie! I know, right? Oddly enough, her chorus is far stronger than any of the lyrics presented and in turn salvage the song from being boring to being something far stronger. Well, the melody works as well.
28: "She Wolf" by Shakira
Gotta love Shakira and her random use of English. Which is ****ing hot here in "She Wolf." Mind you, "Loba" is better and makes more sense and makes it clear that the she-wolf is really a bitch. But the beat is sick the guitar is ****ing hotness and damn it, I howl along too. Ah-oooo!!
27: "Sweet Dreams" by Beyonce
Beyonce jumped off the deep end with me this year until this song. The only song I can really stand (yes, like you I know the words to "Single Ladies" but that's due to radio) off of the I Am...Sasha Fierce ******** is her hoping for a wet dream. And it works for her far better than I would expect or want from her. Mind you, she proceeds to ruin the growth of like by releasing "Video Phone" but that is for another list on another day.
26: "Dialled" by Blackout Crew
And now, a donk in it:
Apparently the sound coming from Bolton. Nothing clever or witty but the track is catchy and I like it a lot. So there.
25: "I Came 2 Party" by Cinema Bizarre f. Space Cowboy
Thankfully this clip made the board but in case you forgot...
While the video is **** on a shingle, Space Cowboy crafted one hell of a burner for a track, regardless of how retarded the lyrics actually are. And the boys (yes, all of them) sell the song rather well. So huzzahs for the music!
24: "Celebration (Benny Benassi Mix)" by Madonna
"Celebration" is a horrid song. Really, it is. However, when Benassi got his capable hands on it he crafted a proper mix-up of the Madonna sound, giving us some dark edges onto a pop song that is far to dated for even the Material Girl to grind her old vagina hinges to.
23: "Cinema Italiano" by Kate Hudson
No, I don't know why Kate Hudson's rank singing is here cuz bitch cannot sing...
And this could be the worst nominated song for an Oscar unless one Ms. Taylor Swift's rank number with Daddy Cyrus shows up. But damn it, it's been in my head for three weeks and will. not. go. away.
And yes, even if "Nine" looks like a poor copy of "Chicago" which it shouldn't be, I so want to see this piece of garbage. Marion Cottilard + Penelope Cruz + Sophia Loren = amazingness,
22: "I'm In Miami Bitch" by LMFAO
God damn, every year I need one **** ass rap song I love for no damn reason. Especially if I never download the damn thing. Here it is again, sucking the life out of a party scene and making me hate Miami even though I've never been.
21: "Hotel Room Service" by Pitbull
So I lie...this is more inappropriate. Really, we have to hear you serving "egg whites" cuz her "pipes" are healthy? At least you're not like Chad Kroger and just tell us you like cummin on a gal. So inappropriate and so played in ultra-conservative Colorado Springs it was hysterical. And I grew to like the song more and more due to that joke
20: "Hora Din Moldova" by Nelly Ciobanu
Hey Nelly and your Hora Dancers! And random backing screamer with a spear!
Seriously, how can you not watch that and not smile your ass off. Without knowing what the hell she's saying. Thankfully staying in Romani...Moldovan for the song rather than the horrible English translation, Nelly won my heart with the inspired performance at Eurovision Moskva and I still play the hell out of the song.
19: "Waking Up In Vegas" by Katy Perry
Shut up. She still can't sing. Or act. Or look pretty. But the song is good.
18: "Burning" by Alcazar
Continuing my love for Swedish nonsense when done well...
THE BRUNETTE HAS HER FOOT IN A URINAL! THE BLOND IS WEARING ROLLER SKATES IN A TOILET BOWL. HE'S GOT KANYE GLASSES WHILE TRAPPED IN A BATHOUSE. WE HAVE STUPID CHOREOGRAPHY! HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THIS?!?!
17: "Come On Get Higher" by Matt Nathanson
And occupying a good slot for token emo love song, we have Matt. Who's at least a jokester about this claptrap. And stretches "and God when you come...on" to make it extra dirty. It's very much not a fake ploying song to get into girl's pants, it assume you already are in her pants and raring to go, something emo doesn't quite understand.
16: "Sad Song" by Blake Lewis
The video is attrocious and he seriously cannot sing this song live. Like ever. But it's actually an amazing song and Blake did some good work to make it stand out far more than it should have.
15: "Stay The Night" by Alcazar
Look, more Alcazar!
And you wonder why this is still my avatar. This would have bombed horribly at Eurovision but is easily better than that damn "La Voix" **** the public voted in.
14: "WILD" by Namie Amuro
And now, Japan.
Can I say I have a crush on Namie? And that the English use is funny? And her dancing is ****ing hot? And the editing actually works? And I so want this beat as my own for a song? And it's still her best release this year, even if "FAST CAR" is as addictive and with Victorian wardrobe?
13: "Aven Romale" by Gipsy.cz
Meanwhile, back at Eurovision we had a Super Gypsy and his merry band of associates trying to rap their way to the final.
Of course, no matter how fun the performance is or how strong the song is or how different it is, it got the nil points (which meant it was somehow worse than the drunk sick Belgian Elivs impersonator...)and led the Czechs to withdraw this year. Damn it Europe!!
12: "Left My Heart In Tokyo" by Mini Viva
Fascination's newest project shows what they could so if Chezza and Kimba were a duo rather than part of Girls Aloud, as The Saturdays show us what a boring version of GA would be (said with love, obviously). Left My Heart, for it's rather silly nature, is both cute and instantly catchy.
In turn, it helped to create a surprise hit with strange pronuciation and lyrics. And shows why Xenomania should be used and abused by artists cuz he's ****ing amazing. Not bad for a duo formed while waiting in line to audition for Xenomania as two solo artist but were ****ing bored.
11: "Party In The USA" by Mylie Cyrus
Still can't sing but I must give snaps to Miley for (a) still being catchy and (b) admitting she doesn't listen to Jay, she just needed a song for her Walmart clothing line. That takes some steel balls right there.
10: "Just Can't Get Enough" by The Saturdays
For Comic Relief 2009, The Saturdays went pin-up while straining on a Depeche Mode song. And it works!
Well, in as much as Mollie tries to be useful. And Una looks like she died and no one told her. Can we pretend the other three are there and these two made the trip cuz they thought it was a shampoo commercial? Anywhoo it's lovely and not a bad attempt and rather cheeky and sorta dated and yet fun. Too bad they still couldn't get to #1 with it -_-
09: "Fast Life" by Hadise
I could have used "Dum Tek Tek" but Hadise tried out a Fergie-ish song for us all with a laughibly bad video to go with it.
It's a bit Rachel Stevens, a bit Fergie, a bit Shakira and yet it's fun to play with. But I still say with how sick Hadise was at Eurovision had she repped her birthland of Belgium rather than her parents homeland of Turkey she would have finished 17th in the semis instead of fourth in the Final.
08: "Good Girls Go Bad" by Cobra Starship f. Leighton Meester
No one involved with this project can sing - Elf Boy sounds like his vocal chords were scraped with a hanger, Leighton sounds like she's drowning in a pot of semen - and yet their total lack of chemistry or blending work to craft one catchy pop song.
07: "Work" by Ciara
Outside of the bad video, this really should have worked. The song is catchy to all people even if she liberally steals from the Ballroom scene, it's hook is catchy, Missy's in it. And then she played a scary tranny while Missy had a mohawk at a construction site. Why can't we have nice things with good songs?
06: "Birthday Sex" by Jerehim
And why the hell is this song so likeable? When it's just dirty? Why?!?!
05: "Blame It" by Jamie Foxx & T-Pain
****, why is this song so likeable? When it's blatantly stupid as ****?
04: "Right Round" by Flo Rida...featuring Ke$ha?
And why is Flo Rida allowed to rap? And why do I occasionally like his flow? Or his theft of better music to sample? Or allowing annoying bints to play hook girl (not Wynter Gordon, she's a bad ass bitch)? All three fall into "I dunno what happened. I was fine one minute and then BAM! I was singing along!"
03: "Be My Valentine" by Svetlana Loboda
Watch this mess:
And watch this mess:
See how this spins so badly it becomes amazing? Especially as I hated the **** out of it during the national finals phase it has now grown to become one of my favorite songs of the year. And if you want to get me a F*ck The Macho t-shirt I won't say no
02: "Tricky" by Velvet Inc.
And yet more Eurovision...
I have no clue why this song works like it does. It could be the shoes. But it's ear crack and catchy and they can sing well and sell what's obviously a strange little song. And they lost to that damn "Fairytale" song....
01: "show girl" by Koda Kumi
So Japan finishes on top with a girl pretending to Flashdance her way into a club and sleeping her way into riches. A good lesson, I say.
Personally, I think the melody and the lyrics (which i obviously don't get) are strong and fun and the video gets props for having a good sense of humor. And everyone at work stares at me when this song plays as they try to figure out what the **** she's saying and why I have J-Pop on my player. Huzzah!
I didn't know half of the songs on your list--but your write-ups were ****ing hilarious. I almost felt bad after the "Birthday Sex" comment...because that song is high up on my list, LMFAO
Your write-ups are hilarious. I like a lot of these songs too, guilty pleasure indeed. That Kate Hudson song recently just got me. It's actually kinda cute...
Presents...
30 Songs You Should Already Have. Like Right Now. Instead Of Owl City.
For more good tidings, I present the thirty songs I feel were the best releases this year. So prepare to bitch cuz there is a **** ton of British music here. Since American radio currently is of the Devil.
Close but no cigar, we have...
* "Who'd Have Known" by Lily Allen * "Undisclosed Desires" by Muse * "I Wish" by Mini Viva * "Evoluzione Genetica" by Miodio * "Water And A Flame" by Daniel Merriweather f. Adele
And officially we have...with extremely little commentary since, seriously people I put up pictures and why should I explain why I like these songs when you'd rather me rip up the 30 ****** songs tomorrow night...
30"Zero" by The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
29"Notion" by Kings Of Leon
28"Empire State Of Mind" by Jay-Z f. Alicia Keys
27"Solitary Thinkin'" by Lee Ann Womack
I nearly forgot this song! Because radio decided to ignore Lee Ann some more since she's not lithe and thin and extra blond, but has a brain and no problem showing she's a damn adult singing songs for adults. Not tweens. So radio, please enjoy singing morons, I'll take my country with proper context and adult meaning.
26"The Girl & The Robot" by Röyksopp f. Robyn
25"Lisztomania" by Phoenix
24"Kiss With A Fist" by Florence + The Machine
Note: I buy Florence's description that the song is not about some ****ed up domestic abuse, but actually psychological warfare cuz the love is far too intense. Regardless, the song is ****ing wicked and well worth getting the US play it's getting right now.
23"Don't Upset The Rhythm" by The Noisettes
22"In For The Kill" by La Roux
21"High Cost Of Living" by Jamey Johnson
Look, more grown-up country music. How sad it got ignored as well.
20"Drumming Song" by Florence + The Machine
Um...yeah, Florence rocks my ****ing socks. Sorry.
19"Panic Switch" by Silversun Pickups
I thought the lead singer was a woman. Mah bad
18"Use Somebody" by Kings Of Leon
17"Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up)" by Florence + The Machine
16"People's Got A Lot Of Nerve" by Neko Case
Mind you, if "This Tornado Loves You" was a single...was it? Anyways, that sound would be top 5 easy. But this lovely monster of a song where she has no problem being a maneater still shines.
15"Leave!" by VV Brown
14"1901" by Phoenix
I lurve this song so much!
13"D.O.A. (Death Of Autotune)" by Jay-Z
12"Uprising" by Muse
11"Can't Stop Feeling" by Franz Ferdinand
10"Last Of The English Roses" by Peter Doherty
Ya know, make him vaguely sober and rob him of Kate Moss, and Peter is a damn good songwriter. Mind you, you could see that in his work with The Libertines but he was often drunk and/or making out with Carl for us to notice. Or care, really.
09"The Fear" by Lily Allen
08"Shark In The Water" by VV Brown
07"Soldier Of Love" by Sade
So it came out last week. Does not care.
06"Already Gone" by Kelly Clarkson
So it has the same melody as "Halo." Still a better song and vocal and all-around goodness.
05"Untouchable" by Girls Aloud
THE FULL SEVEN MINUTES OF EPICNESS. NOT THE THREE AND A HALF SCREWED AND CHOPPED EDIT FEATURING T-PAIN'S VOCODER. Ahem.
04"Memory Of You" by Girls Aloud
Yeah, it was the b-side. But it's still almost as amazing as "The Loving Kind" and should have been a single in it's own right.
03"Ulysses" by Franz Ferdinand
02"Crying Lightning" by Arctic Monkeys
Whoda thought they could get the Zepplin on?
01"Cornerstore" by Arctic Monkeys
It's a perfect companion-piece to "Fluorescent Adolescence" in terms of it's story and mood, while also conveying a sense of heartbreak and anguish I didn't think Alex Turner had in him. While "Crying Lightning" is more accessible in it's music and it's proper influence from Queens Of The Stone Age, "Cornerstore" is the stronger song and the class of the year.
"Zero" by The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
"Notion" by Kings Of Leon
"Empire State Of Mind" by Jay-Z f. Alicia Keys
"Solitary Thinkin'" by Lee Ann Womack
"The Girl & The Robot" by Röyksopp f. Robyn
"Lisztomania" by Phoenix
"Kiss With A Fist" by Florence + The Machine
"Don't Upset The Rhythm" by The Noisettes 
"In For The Kill" by La Roux
"High Cost Of Living" by Jamey Johnson
"Drumming Song" by Florence + The Machine
"Panic Switch" by Silversun Pickups
"Use Somebody" by Kings Of Leon
"Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up)" by Florence + The Machine
"People's Got A Lot Of Nerve" by Neko Case
"Leave!" by VV Brown
"1901" by Phoenix
"D.O.A. (Death Of Autotune)" by Jay-Z
"Uprising" by Muse
"Can't Stop Feeling" by Franz Ferdinand
"Last Of The English Roses" by Peter Doherty
"The Fear" by Lily Allen
"Shark In The Water" by VV Brown
"Soldier Of Love" by Sade
"Already Gone" by Kelly Clarkson
"Untouchable" by Girls Aloud
"Memory Of You" by Girls Aloud
"Ulysses" by Franz Ferdinand
"Crying Lightning" by Arctic Monkeys
"Cornerstore" by Arctic Monkeys