Paris Hilton's DJ Career
This one almost isn't worthy of mention, but since we're on the subject of jokes, there are few things less credible than celebrity DJs. Sometimes it works (sort of?), but when Paris Hilton made her DJ debut last June, it was rough, rough going. Not only did she not actually mix anything, a tech had to come out to fiddle with the knobs for her. Being a good DJ is much harder than it looks, but
it's hard to make anything look as pathetic as a Paris Hilton DJ set.
Flo Rida
The advent of sampling (taking an existing song, deconstructing it and using it in a new track) birthed pretty much all of hip-hop and gave us everyone from Dilla to the Beastie Boys to Kanye West, but it also made Flo-Rida a household name.
The Florida rapper is willing to jump on anything that's popular, whether it's Avicii's "Levels" (which is already built on an Etta James sample) or the Bingo Players "Cry (Just a Little)." If it worked, it would be a smart strategy -- why not improve upon a track that already has a healthy fan base? The only problem is that
instead of taking a song and making it better, Flo-Rida has proven himself to be a song murderer, bludgeoning his source material with a homicidal flow that's bad in-the-actually-bad sense.
Mariah Carey's Rider
This is just the stuff of legend. Carey, a notoriously diva'd out performer who supposedly has sex to the sound of her own voice, demanded an audience of 20 white kittens and 100 white doves at a London tree-lighting. "Sources" connected to the event eventually balked, but not before also demanding scores of security, a Rolls Royce and a pink podium.
She made a lot of good music in her day, but not much in the past few years (last year's comeback single, "Celebration," was an abject flop). Forget the doves -- maybe it's time to fly in some songwriters.
Michelle Shocked
There are plenty of ignorant performers out there (Ted Nugent and Hank Williams Jr., come to mind), but things reached a breaking point when Shocked sat outside the venue that cancelled one of her concerts to host a pity-party. She whined and wore a balaclava, which seems sad, but not after one remembers the concert was cancelled because she went on an anti-gay rampage that included the phrase "God hates f--s." Game over, Shocked!
LMFAO
It's hard to hate LMFAO's hustle: They make unabashedly jingly party music that never attempts to be anything but ridiculously catchy. It's nice to see an uncle-nephew duo (yep) like Redfoo and Sky Blu making it in such a tough industry. Wait, what's that? Redfoo is Berry Gordy's son? And Sky Blu is his grandson? Smokey Robinson is their godfather? Huh. You don't say.
Sidebar: They've sort of split up, for now, as Redfoo works on a pro tennis career and Sky Blu makes songs about bottle service.
Ke$ha's Style
We live in a world where
being disgusting is a value in itself. Ke$ha's every inclination seems to point toward the bottom of the dumpster, where she has attested to finding clothes. She also says she bones ghosts (get it?) and wears bras made of her fans' teeth. Surely, Ke$ha has made a bonafide hit or two, which is why it's hard to dismiss her wholesale. But let's not forget that "grunge" used to apply to Kurt Cobain's flannel.
Talking about dumpster diving in every single interview doesn't seem like much a movement.
Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez' Public Grief
Young love is truly a precious thing, and it's always unfortunate when early adulthood means confronting the fact that your super famous boyfriend or girlfriend isn't actually going to be the person you spend your life with. In the case of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez, that realization
came with breakup songs and performances. Between performing "Cry Me a River" and talking to Billboard about how hard it to move on, Bieber and Gomez left us wondering
how much of the emotional showmanship was really just about stringing along the duo's young fans. In any case, we wish them all the best (and Selena, please stay away from Harmony Korine).
Prince's "Leaked" Songs
Remember when everyone was excited about those "leaked" Prince songs? Us neither.
Destiny's Child's Reunion
Kelly. Michelle. Beyonce. One of the most endearing acts of their generation, Destiny's Child seems like a mirage in today's world of solo artists. News that they'd be teaming up again for the Super Bowl -- and that they were releasing a new song -- were met with near universal acclaim.
How great to see Beyonce reach back and elevate her far less successful friends? How amazing will a new "Jumpin' Jumpin'" or "Say My Name" be? Neither great nor amazing, we found out. First came "Nuclear," a sleepy, completely forgettable take on break beat and the bitter realization that it was all we'd hear from the "reunited" Destiny's Child. Then came the halftime show itself, during which
Beyonce snatched her friends from musical purgatory, forced them to sing one of her solo songs then shooed them away, forever. 
Fall Out Boy "Saving" Rock and Roll
Fall Out Boy's back, and it's admittedly great to see Pete Wentz, Patrick Stump and the rest of the boys fronting a comeback that doesn't leave fans completely scratching their heads. But reuniting with your fans and going so far as to talk about "saving" a genre seems a bit overwrought. There are worse things, though, and the band does get bonus points for casting 2 Chainz in their comeback video.
Ted Nugent
Teddy's not even really a musician anymore, so much as the face of bigotry that's impenetrable to logic. The problem with Nugent is neither that he hates Barack Obama nor that he's a musician who loves to mouth off about politics. While not exactly Mozart, Kid Rock offered an example of a right-wing dude in music who knew how to share his views without coming off sounding like someone on the wrong side of decency.
Huffington Post
