The fourth quarter is always a big time for album releases, but fall 2013 was something else entirely: a musical miracle, an aligning of the planets, a once-in-a-generation cosmic occurrence that compelled nearly every major pop girl to drop a new record within three months of each other. (Even Rihanna forewent her usual November rih-lease to get out of the way of the onslaught.) But what should have been the Best. Season. Ever on ATRL quickly turned sour. Each new Hits Daily Double update brought worse news than before. Lackluster music and disappointing sales suddenly made “flop”—and its preferred euphemism, “underperforming”—the hottest forum adjective since “iconic.” As the days turned into weeks turned into months, the bloody draggings never seemed to end. Only one unexpected last-minute entry, an undisputed critical and commercial smash, saved the year from complete ruin.
October 4: After months of musical blackface, licking dirty sledgehammers and embarrassing herself on national TV, the ascendancy of Miley Cyrus came screeching to a halt with the arrival of the urban-influenced
Bangerz. Landing with more of a quiet splash and than a
wrecking cannonball, the album’s soft reception called into question premature declarations that Miley had claimed pop music’s crown. It’s still unclear whether her controversial antics have led to a sustained interest in her career comeback, but Miley is the first pop girl of her generation to graduate to the big leagues.
October 18: Following one of the biggest eras in pop music history, expectations for Katy Perry’s
Prism were enormous. But its modest first-week sales bump over
Teenage Dream—and her first single to miss the Hot 100 top ten in more than four years—kicked off the kind of performance only a Katlexic could be impressed by. (This is not unusual.) Nevertheless, “Dark Horse” proved that you can never hold Ms. Perry down for long. In the spirit of “Roar,” let me paraphrase someone who said it better than me: Nobody puts Katy in a corner!
November 6: Undershooting even the most cynical predictions for its opening week,
ARTPOP was the VOLANTIS dress of albums. Its ambitious aspirations and a return to dance-pop form were no match for the damage Lady Gaga did to her brand during the
Born This Way debacle. Met with plummeting public interest and a surprisingly harsh critical drubbing, the album did at least provide a definitive answer to that age-old debate: Gaga
is fading.
December 3: The Day the Music Died. It wasn’t until a week later that we would fully understand just how far the former Princess of Pop had fallen, but the mourning started upon first complete listen of
Britney Jean. Britney Spears' most personal record yet™ turned out be more of an uninspired slapdash from the mind of will.i.am.the.worst.thing.to.ever.happen.to.britne y. As she shuffled off to Vegas to mint millions off her legacy, we continue to search for answers about what it all means in the flaming wreckage of her career.
December 13: I woke up like
dis to discover that I was in the midst of a cultural revolution. During the course of the night, Beyoncé had dropped a new “visual album” out of nowhere and the whole world was buzzing. Somehow the complete lack of promotion became the only promo that
Beyoncé needed: It was the fastest-selling digital album ever. It was a legitimate contender in the Pazz & Jop year-end poll. It was ***Flawless. Suddenly nothing that had happened in pop music for the past two months mattered; Bey had changed the game. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. You are the next Supreme.
Now that the dust has settled on this wild, tumultuous period, it’s time for that most cherished rite of passage: the ATRL rate. All sales figures, Metacritic scores and emotional baggage aside, these fives albums square off in a ferocious musical showdown that will determine the
true pop champion of fall 2013. And it’s up to you, the good voters of ATRL!
You can help decide the winner by listening to the following 78 tracks, ranking each one individually on a scale of 1-10 and then sending me your ballot by Sunday, February 16. (No trolling or your vote will be tossed.) May the best diva win!
Countdown
