You kept your private life private for quite awhile, but you eventually came out. Do you think since then, the rules of celebrities coming out has changed?
I do. I mean, I was never actively in the closet. But I actually never spoke about my sexuality, the truth is, mostly because I was suffering from all kinds of depression. I really struggled in coming to terms with who I was, and I’m lucky that the media gave me a bit of a wide berth in that regard. Because until I met Richard, I was failing miserably in my romantic life. I was in bad relationships and I was getting hurt. In a lot of ways, I was like a babe in the woods. I’d grown up in the kind of town that would be reminiscent of say, the Midwest and American conservative views, and I didn’t have a gay role model. It took me a long time to even realize that I was gay. I thought that I had attractions to men, but I found a way to justify that and explain it away. The truth of it is, I’m a monogamous person, I’m a romantic person, I’m a traditionalist. I wanted to have kids, I wanted to get married, I wanted to have that happily ever after that you see in Hollywood films, which of course isn’t real even for straight people. But it took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that my path was a different path, and that I was actually trying to be somebody that I wasn’t. When I met Richard, I fell in love. It was my first really true adult relationship -- I knew I was going to marry him. He became such a huge part of my life, I wanted the people who bought my records to know. So my coming out was a breeze. I wrote a blog when we had our civil partnership. I said, “I married my boyfriend,” and the reaction was incredible. I think it’s very different -- I think when you’re outed that’s a whole other area. It’s a very strange period that we exist in.
What made you decide to make a video for the “It Gets Better” campaign?
Perez Hilton asked me -- he tweeted to me. I’ve never met Perez, and I’m not someone who is really immersed in tabloid pop culture, but he tweeted me, and I looked at the link and I just couldn’t say no. I saw one or two videos and it really affected me. I’ve always been very honest with my fan base. I’m very confessional on stage or in interviews or my blog. I’ve been very honest about my upbringing. I came from a very alcoholic family -- I had a very violent father. I suffered from depression, and I’ve always spoken about these things and how it relates to self-esteem. It was a no-brainer to make the video. I had to tape it three or four times because I kept crying at the end of it. Because when I got to the part where I was saying “If there’s anyone out there who is struggling…” it brought back all those memories. I realized that a huge part of why I became an entertainer was because I believed so badly that I needed to create a persona. The persona was this indestructible superhero called a pop star. I had a survival mechanism that kicked in. I wasn’t a wallflower. The thing about me that made me stand out -- I managed to turn that into my strength, but, one can say, with a lot of scars. I managed to have an entire career and be a famous person and be on the radio as a protective mechanism for being picked on. But at the same time, it took me years to even forgive myself for being gay. The whole project really hit home and it made realize that I didn’t have any point of reference growing up -- not one. There were two gay people I knew: There was Boy George and Rock Hudson, who was dying from AIDS. So the message that I got from the media was that gay people don’t exist, on that they’re comic characters, or they are dying. It was horrible, so for me it was a no-brainer to get involved.
In the media we don’t see many successful, long-term gay couples. Do you feel like that puts any pressure on your relationship?
No. Oh God, I don’t take that into account at all. To be honest, I don’t think of that stuff because I don’t think of myself as a celebrity. I adore Richard. I have an amazing marriage. I’m not perfect. But I’m with somebody who is my equal. I’m with somebody who I’m glad I waited for. When I met Richard, I felt almost this duty to tell any of my jaded friends that there is your equal opposite out there somewhere. Just wait for them. I didn’t think I’d meet him, and when I found him, it felt like I’d come home. And it feels like that every day. I’m happy to be an example of a happily ever after.
for more of this interview including Darren talking about his new music: http://www.out.com/Out100/story.asp?page=1&id=27710