So, this year, I still have the Best According To Me And My Questionable Tastes, The Worst Because They Truly Do Suck No Matter The Fanbase So Move The HELL On Already, and Things I'd Admit Only On A Thread On A Forum Because I'm Strange. Aren't you excited because I'll be funny for your entertainment.
December 14-15: Mikal's Ridiculous Guilty Pleasures
December 16-17: Best Videos of 2008
December 18-19: Worst Videos of 2008
December 20-21: Best Songs of 2008
December 22-23: Worst Songs of 2008
December 24-25: Best Albums of 2008
Day one is from #25 to...um...whatever I cap. The Best or Worst of the Best or Worst gets the second day so you can anticipate with excitement how stupid I am ^(^.^)^
OK, discuss anticipation or whatever until I get around to post things
So, out of boredom I've decided to play "Guess What's NOT On This Countdown" for each of the six 25s being done. Of course, you won't know which is not until the countdown is posted so it will be interesting to see if people are truly surprised by my tastes
What's not supposed to be on the list...
Mikal's Ridiculous Guilty Pleasures
3 6 Mafia, "Lolli Lolli (Pop That Body)"
Cascada, "What Hurts The Most"
Danity Kane, "Bad Girl"
Kings Of Leon, "Sex On Fire"
Mylie Cyrus, "See You Again"
Best Videos of 2008
Duffy, "Stepping Stone"
Filter, "Soldiers Of Misfortune"
Erykah Badu, "Honey"
Kylie Minogue, "All I See"
Solange, "I Decided"
Worst Videos of 2008
Britney Spears, "Piece Of Me"
Justice, "Stress"
Kat DeLuna, "Run The Show"
Simple Plan, "When I'm Gone"
Sugababes, "Girls"
Best Songs of 2008
Bloc Party, "Mercury"
Rihanna, "Disturbia"
Sam Sparro, "Black & Gold"
Seconhand Serenade, "Fall For You"
Kanye West, "Flashing Lights"
Worst Songs of 2008
Mariah Carey, "Touch My Body"
Jesse McCartney, "Leavin'"
Nickelback, "Something For Your Mouth"
Slipknot, "Psychosocial"
The Veronicas, "Untouched"
Best Albums of 2008
Kaiser Cheifs, Off With Their Heads
Keane, Perfect Symmetry
The Killers, Day And Age
Lil' Wayne, Tha Carter III
Patty Loveless, Sleepless Nights
Mikal's Ridiculous Guilty Pleasures
3 6 Mafia, "Lolli Lolli (Pop That Body)"
Cascada, "What Hurts The Most"
Danity Kane, "Bad Girl"
Kings Of Leon, "Sex On Fire" Mylie Cyrus, "See You Again"
Best Videos of 2008
Duffy, "Stepping Stone" Filter, "Soldiers Of Misfortune"
Erykah Badu, "Honey"
Kylie Minogue, "All I See"
Solange, "I Decided"
Worst Videos of 2008
Britney Spears, "Piece Of Me"
Justice, "Stress" Kat DeLuna, "Run The Show"
Simple Plan, "When I'm Gone"
Sugababes, "Girls"
Best Songs of 2008
Bloc Party, "Mercury"
Rihanna, "Disturbia"
Sam Sparro, "Black & Gold" Seconhand Serenade, "Fall For You"
Kanye West, "Flashing Lights"
Worst Songs of 2008
Mariah Carey, "Touch My Body"
Jesse McCartney, "Leavin'"
Nickelback, "Something For Your Mouth"
Slipknot, "Psychosocial" The Veronicas, "Untouched"
Best Albums of 2008
Kaiser Cheifs, Off With Their Heads
Keane, Perfect Symmetry
The Killers, Day And Age Lil' Wayne, Tha Carter III
Patty Loveless, Sleepless Nights
Things I'd Admit Only On A Thread On A Forum Because I'm Strange
25 to 11
Excited yet With videos even so you can hear songs you'll wish you hadn't
25 3 Little Words, Frankmusik
Why here? I'm rather vocal about my like of this, I know, but it's so delightfully dated and Vincent Frank clearly weighs as much as Rachel Zoe. I mean, I never wondered how much Casio keyboard is too much but I know now that in the right ditty, it's never enough.
Why can I never find those in store...
24 L.I.L.Y., Kate Ryan
Ah Kate, she who's only a year older than me but ages really quickly. Part of it's status here is just how OLD she looks in the video - bitch looks like a Madonna clone - but a bigger part is how dorky the idea of abreviating the title - Like I Love You - into the song is.
Clear heels is so klassy. Stay tuned to see this elsewhere
23 Lolli Lolli (Pop Your Body), 3 6 Mafia
Yes. I know. It's stupid and lame. But ya know what? I love "Laffy Taffy" so damn it, I will like ****** stupid moronic "rap" whenever I damn well please.
22 Hot 'N Cold, Katy Perry
Yes I know she sucks asshole. Nightly. Cuz the bitch cannot. sing. for. ****. But damn it to hell, the song is catchy. Unlike "Ur So Gay" or "I Kissed A Girl" the song is clever and the melody is actually useful. And unlike the other **** she's released here and in Britain there's no level of embarrassment felt for her being a stupid former Christian "star." Even for her saying a guy PMSes like a bitch.
21 When I Grow Up, Pussycat Dolls
I've argued that this could actually be the most accurate song written this year. It's a perfect reflection of society's apparent addiction to people being famous for being famous. Rather than being GOOD at anything. Well, Nicole is good at killing careers. But anyways, the song is deep for having no depth, spunk for lacking any real spark, and sends a message that makes sense in the 2000s that for all truth should not exist. Huzzah to them
20 Burn, Jessica Mauboy
Popjustice phrased it right: What Rihanna would sound like if she did The Saturday's "Up."
Which, I really want now. But this will satisfy for now. The song is rather good and the beat is rather tight. Yes, she's ProTooled to the last strand of vocal chord but otherwise it crackles like a pop hit should. Could we have an Aussie invasion of poptasticness?
P.s. It's funny to think she's got an STD and that's why it's burning
Australian answer to Rihanna?
19 How I Could Just Kill A Man, Charlotte Sometimes
Its rather strange to hear. Its got some meat to the song for being as short as it is and it's rather clever. But it's very dated, her voice is wonk and the video is a how-to-read-a-song for the deaf. However it's cute and sorta fun to sing along to (c'mon, who doesn't like to scream CRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABY in their car. If it's ever played).
18 WHAT A FEELING, Namie Amuro
OK, so I could have listed the whole "60s70s80s" tripe-A-side as all three songs are gloriously cheesy and the videos are perfect in their retardation. As they were owned by Vidal Sasson, and thankfully Namie's hair is very pretty. Yeah, "ROCK STEADY" was lame. So I'm picking out Namie's most heavily English song - and it actually works with the Japanese lyrics. The video is bonkers between the Patricia Fields Fashions As Promoted In The Beginning, the Daft Punk dancers and the entire "forth forth and forth" dance sequence. Mikal has a new J-pop chick to keep an eye on for cleverness.
Poppin my body like a malfunctioning robot...
17 Flyer, Sergey Lazarev
Look, on occasion schlagerry disco is fantastic. And having your dancers wearing Kylie Minogue X Masks and having no Russian accent while singing through your nose while sliding into yodeling is a talent, I say! Shut it, I love it -_-
Um...yeah. You should have seen him with the mullet.
16 Beli Jablan, Aleksa Jelić & Ana tajdohar
And continuing the Eurovision non-qualifiers that are fun times yay, here's a Serbian entry of utter gheyness. I mean really, I have zero clue what's this song is on but I know I love this song immensely. It's catchy while having no idea what either are saying. The visual for the performances at Beovizija help promote a very modern number that twists the disco elements in an almost classical take. Plus, it helps that Ana clearly hates dancing and Aleksa thinks he's auditioning for Eurovision Dance Contest
Now now, who doesn't what a white see through blouse covering their pudge? With a matching vest and bellbottoms to complete the full 1977 look
15 Damaged, Danity Kane
Do-do-do you got a first aid kit handy? For once Diddy's Girls actually owned up some kitch with their stankness and gave us a fun and strange dating song. Rather than just letting the image lead the song DK scored a major upgrade is musicality and lyrics giving them another level to go. No, they'd never reach the clever kitchyness of Girls Aloud. Let alone Sugababes in the Keisha-In-Charge phase which has been crap. But they actually showed a backbone to be girls rather than hoodrat arm accessories for Diddy.
14 Low, Flo-Rida f. T-Pain
Seriously. Shut up.
13 Take A Bow, Rihanna
Even more. Shut it. Yes, she can't sing. She has the range of a tire iron and no life behind her eyes. But still he vocals actually sell the hell out of the lyrics. It's a retarded song and basically "Irreplaceable Part 2" which should make Sasha Fierce thrilled as **** but it's still a good song that actually should have garnered a R&B Female Vocal nod. I. KNOW.
12 Bad Girl, Danity Kane
Hate the video but the song is hotter and better and more kitchy than Damaged and show that, hey, even they could have a go at British Girlgroup goodness. Of course, they got hit by the Fug Stick of Fame*****s and now are left with the Brunette, the Wonky Nosed One Who I Hate and...um...Dawn? So we shall see if they could do something with the remains.
11 The Boy Does Nothing, Alesha Dixon
Former Mis-teeq cutie Alesha would have placed with the bizarely awesome "Lipstick" but has this which is more guilt-inducing for the song is stupid. Seriously. It's stupid as ****. But she sells it like hell and knows how to work the skirts just right to sell the dancing needs while giving this a old-timey sing-a-long vibe perfectly.
Alesha's answer to Ciara's Butt Conga is a nice try but fails in execution. Like a Girls Aloud dance number
Tomorrow? The Ten I'm Most Guilty For! Cuz they are so bad, it spun into goodness!
Things I'd Admit Only On A Thread On A Forum Because I'm Strange
10 to 1
Even more videos even so you can hear songs you'll wish you hadn't Cuz this is already off to a rousing success!!
10 Gas Gas, Severina
Dear Madonna:
Your vagina will only look sexy when you start eating again and have an oompa band present.
Love , the Croatian Wonder.
Gawd, I love Severina. She and her retarded video just brighten my day. I mean really, a Naval outfit after a hot fuchsia jumper? Dressed like a redneck? Kneepads? Shameless pimping of Volkswagen? Will cheesyness never cease.
Is your mom this hot?
09 Nobody, Wonder Girls
Once again, no idea what they are saying. Although I never new South Korea could relate to the touching story of Dreamgirls. As I assumed they never had a Diana Ross & The Supremes vision. Of course, since the song's English translation is nonsensical it could be the Wonder Girls's answer to "And I Am Telling You" for all I know. At least it's pretty!!
So...which one's Effie?
08 Run The Show, Kat DeLuna f. Busta Rhymes
Remember when i hated her. Then I saw the video for Whine Up and was suddenly overcome with love for her? Well, I still am mad cuz this song is crazy good and torturous to the sense. I mean, the song doesn't quite make sense and Kat really doesn't sound all that hot. But mixing Busta with this beat is perfect and makes Kat's vocal all the better in the long term. Shame it wasn't a hit.
07 7 Things, Mylie Cyrus
Speaking of shame...no, I don't like her. But I like her quasi-agression in the song. Cuz apparently Jonas Brothers know how to dick women so good they apparently loose their ****. I mean really, are you that wound up about Nick that you have to flash the diabetes dogtags? And why even do a witch and sing about what you like about him when clearly the hate was strong there?
Still, I like it and I secretly will sing along.
Shut. Up.
06 Closer, Ne-Yo
No, I don't like this fool either. But the first 10 seconds of the song before he ruins it by singing are delicious and should be sampled in a proper song. And even the chorus is great. Why can't he just be satisfied being a songwriter and sell his good **** like this to someone with talent?
05 Good Good, Ashanti
Um...I can't explain this one. I saw it ONCE on 106 & Park and was shocked by how clever the song is, how good Ashanti actually sounded on it, and how much I liked it. Thankfully it was a one time deal but still, guilty enough to place it here.
04 Calabria, Enur f. Nataja & The Anthem, Pittbull & Lil' Jon
Granted...Calabria made the Guilty list last year under "Destination Calabria" which was mixed by Alex Gaudino & had "Destination Unknown" sung by Crystal Walters. But all of a sudden on New Years Day Enur's original version showed up on radio and started going up the charts. And THEN, as if this is Mundian To Bak Ke again, Pitbull did his own ass-ified version. And both. Are ear crack to the max. The beat is suck as hell due to the sax, the lyrics on both songs sell sex effectively and both work to get you moving. Brill!
or
Which one is more offensive to women?
03 We Keep On Rockin', Alcazar
A primer: I am in love with Alcazar. "This Is The World We Live In" is such a major disaster that it works as a song. "Crying At The Discoteque" would be my American Idol Dance/90s/Sweden Sound performance. "Sexual Guarantee" is so damn clever it's amazing. Hell, I haven't even heard their entry for Melodifestivalen 2009 and have decided they HAD BETTER WIN.
Um. Yeah.
So here, watch a gloriously schlager disco stomper coated in glitter. We have your grandmother's sitting room, a massive rubix cube of lights that I will shoot a music video in someday, and bowling. And dancing on the bowling lanes. And bowling balls going towards Alcazar while dancing on the lane and dangerously close to groins. We have a SYNCHRONIZED. BOWL. WHERE. DANCERS. PRETEND. TO. FALL. LIKE. BOWLING. PINS. Seriously, this might be the greatest thing ever.
Now why the **** is this not on my top 25 videos of the year...
02 What Hurts The Most, Cascada
I loved Jo From S Club 7's original take. I hated Rascal Flatts' rape of it. And then Cascada and their poor attempts at techno and disco and parties and tattoo parlors and dye jobs on blondes entered my life.
And I love it. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!!?
01 See You Again, Mylie Cyrus
Seriously, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME. I KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO THIS SONG! MYLIE SINGS WORSE THAN RIHANNA, KATY PERRY AND LINDSAY LOHAN PUT TOGETHER AND CAN'T FIGURE HOW TO MANIPULATE PROTOOLS LIKE BRITNEY SPEARS BUT I LOVE THIS SONG.
It makes me sad inside to say that. But it's true. Mylie might be my biggest guilty pleasure. Bitch won't see a dime in sales from me but I'll sing along in the car.
!!!
