What's your opinion on (gay) black men who date any race, but exclude their own...then hide it under the guise of "preference." Just curious because I live in SF and most of the black guys out here are in interracial relationships. Nothing wrong w/ the swirl as long as your reason for being down w/ it are authentic and natural. Not because you're self-loathing and hate your own black skin. It's frustrating for me as a black gay man that wants to date another black man but they all chase down white men out here.

I don't have a problem with them dating whoever they want, but my issue is when they try to justify that "black men aren't ****" when they've only had experiences with just a few of them. Their sweeping generalizations are a bit much.

It's not like you can control what your preference is...but it really does suck cuz you're not even given a chance. Sorry, bud...the good thing is that you save yourself a date, you wouldn't like a guy who judges people by their looks above anything else would you?

It's weird because normally "preferences" exclude other races, not your own

if it's just a preference than it's ok, some guys like tall guys, some like muscular, some like pale, some like with other enormous qualities... It's not ok to assume everyone has the same taste. However, if they're attracted to other black guys but refuse to date them because they're 'too hood' or whatever, then that's a problem.

I could care less. But I encounteted plenty of white men that only like black men. I asked one why he don't within his race and he said its just his preference, he liked what he like. White guys don't turn him on.

It all comes down to preferences, and you'll be lying if you say you don't have any. The reason why people make such a big deal out of this and try to stereotype it as racism or self loathing is because they find someone they're interested in but the person they fell for has different preferences that they don't meet. And judging by this:

That's your reasoning as well. Instead of trying to shame them for their preferences, try finding someone else who shares the same views as you do.

You can't control what you like. You learn that as you grow and experience all kinds of stuff, men, kinks and what not. And you get to know yourself better and what turns you on. You don't get to choose whom you are attracted to.

It's their preference. As simple as.

That's it.

Typical straw man argument. You can shout preferences all day but when you intentionally exclude those that share the same ethnic makeup as you, it's self-hate. It's preference disguised as discrimination. There have been countless studies on this particular issue and the majority of black gay men that prefer to date outside their race have ADMITTED to struggle w/ self-hate and identity issues. Black Americans are conditioned to feel inferior based on European standards of beauty which would explain why so many seek out anything that looks like anything but themselves. It's not preference, it's a social construct and conditioning.

Whatever helps you sleep at night sis, you do you.

When dealing with something like race its not only ridiculous, like refusing to date other hair colors, but delusional to think that there is no racism/discrimination involved. Some of you don't seem to understand the difference between preference and exclusion and its interesting . And while its cool to have a preference, hell even a fetish, its not okay to ignore the underlying influences of that preference. When it becomes an exclusion, how can it not matter that someone is actively playing on race? How can you not care when it is VERY likely a racist attitude being expressed and the proof is in the exclusion itself. But maybe the black community is mistaken, maybe there are more people who refuse to date brunettes than I thought... but then I guess you can always convince the person you like to bleach their hair if you "just like it". Too bad you can't do that to your skin.... or can you? The most important thing to realize here is that while blackness is symbolized by a physical feature it is most certainly thought of as something more than skin deep. However Michael Jackson ended up paper white, however much he butchered his nose, however much he relaxed and weaved his hair, he never became white. Being white is not just a physical attribute it is a social and internal experience and that's why you can not and should not conflate it with preferring blonds over brunettes. It's not the same. It's so much more than that.

This is a fact. "Racial preferences" aren't preference. It's not something that you can't help either because you aren't born excluding an entire race of people. Gays justify having these preferences as "I'm just not attracted to *insert race*!" whether they're black or not; ask for their reason and I assure you it will be based on a stereotype.

Brown hair/brown eyes is a preference because it's harmless. Bring skin colour into the matter and it becomes very messy.

Color of your skin is an attribute, a characteristic whether you like it or not. Just like your weight, height, bone structure, color of your eyes, size of your ****, physique and so on and so forth. And all of these factors can be taken as a preference. I know it's sad and I know it seems unfair but it really isn't. You just want someone who doesn't want you back based on what they like in a guy. Be it skin or some other attribute. The point is instead of complaining and yelling racism and self-hate at anything that doesn't float your boat maybe you should realize people are different and we don't share one collective hive mindset. Regardless, I hope you find happiness with someone of the same mindset.


I agree with you 100%. That's why I said in my original post, if the reason behind exclusion of one's race is a stereotype, it's wrong.

Self-loath and insecurity at it's finest, it's really sad.