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Discussion: My Dog's a lesbian?! (gasp!)
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 35,912
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My Dog's a lesbian?! (gasp!)
Ohhh my God, I was sitting there in the shower enjoying myself and finishing my masturbating while listening to Kylie Minogue's In Your Eyes on repeat when all of a sudden I look outside and see my dog FORNICATING with another dog. I was utterly shocked and appalled at the sight of it. My dog on this other dog's back ****ing her with nothing cause she ain't got no dick like what the ****. It was basically a non-existent bumps against the decrypted kind of situation cause the other dog it was aunt's. I mean, my dog's a Pitbull so I should've expected this to happen. But I want puppies so how do I cure her? Cause a bitch gone be getting those puppies one way or another. It's funny though cause my moms a lesbian now too. Like owner like pet I guess, but how do I fix her? I didn't get to finish masturbating cause I went limp.
So sad.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 14,461
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'finishing my masturbating'
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 24,463
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What do you mean fix? She was born that way.
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Member Since: 1/6/2014
Posts: 11,333
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It's "normal". Female dogs try thrusting other female dogs when they play in order to make them now who's in charge. If you don't want your dog to do that, tell her that it's not okay to do it and show her another way to play.
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Member Since: 8/18/2013
Posts: 40,566
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I didn't know people listened to music while they touched themselves. Once Future's 'Rich $ex' got me a bit frisky tho!
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Banned
Member Since: 2/6/2012
Posts: 18,398
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I'm so much happier now that I'm dead. Technically missing. Soon to be presumed dead. Gone. And my lazy lying ******** oblivious husband will go to prison for my murder. Nick Dunne took my pride and my dignity and my hope and my money. He took and took from me until I no longer existed. That's murder. Let the punishment fit the crime. To fake a convincing murder you have to have discipline. You befriend a local idiot. Harvest the details of her hundrum life and cram her with stories about your husband's violent temper. Secretly create some money troubles: credit cards, perhaps online gambling. With the help of the unwitting, bump up your life insurance. Purchase getaway car. Craigslist. Generic. Cheap. Pay cash. You need to package yourself so that people will truly mourn your loss. And America loves pregnant women. As if it's so hard to spread your legs. You know what's hard? Faking a pregnancy. First, drain your toilet. Invite pregnant idiot into your home and ply her with lemonade. Steal pregnant idiot's urine. Voilŕ! A pregnany is now part of your legal medical record. Happy Aniversary. Wait for your clueless husband to start his day. Off he goes... and the clock is ticking. Meticulously stage your crime scene with just enough mistakes to raise the specter of doubt. You need to bleed. A lot. A lot, a lot. The head wound kind of bleed. A crime scene kind of bleed. You need to clean; poorly, like he would. Clean and bleed, bleed and clean. And leave a Little something behind: a fire in July? And because you're you, you don't stop there. You need a diary. Mínimum three hundred entries on the Nick and Amy story. Start with the fairy-tale early days: those are true, and they're crucial. You want Nick and Amy to be likable. After that, you invent. The spending, the abuse, the fear, the threat of violence. And Nick thought he was the writer... burn it, just the right amount. Make sure the cops will find it. Finally, honor tradition with a very special treasure hunt. And if I get everything right, the world will hate Nick for killing his beautiful, pregnant wife. And after all the outrage, when I'm ready, I'll go out on the water with a handful of pills and a pocket full of stones. And when they find my body, they'll know: Nick Dunne dumped his beloved like garbage, and she floated past all the other abused, unwanted, inconvenient women. Then Nick will die too. Nick and Amy will be gone, but then we never really existed. Nick loved a girl I was pretending to be. "Cool girl". Men always use that, don't they? As their defining compliment: "She's a cool girl". Cool girl is hot. Cool girl is game. Cool girl is fun. Cool girl never gets angry at her man. She only smiles in a chagrined, loving manner. And then presents her mouth for ****ing. She likes what he likes, so evidently he's a vinyl hipster who loves fetish Manga. If he likes girls gone wild, she's a mall babe who talks for football and endures buffalo wings at Hooters. When I met Nick Dunne I knew he wanted "Cool girl". And for him, I'll admit: I was willing to try. I wax-strippe my ***** raw. I drank canned beer watching Adam Sandler movies. I ate cold pizza and remained a size two. I blew him, semi-regularly. I lived in the moment. I was ****ing game. I can't say I didn't enjoy some of it. Nick teased out in me things I didn't know existed. A lightness, a humor, an ease. But I made him smarter. Sharper. I inspired him to rise to my level. I forged the man of my dreams. We were happy pretending to be other people. We were the happiest couple we knew. And what's the point of being together if you're not the happiest? But Nick got lazy. He became someone I did not agree to marry. He actually expected me to love him unconditionally. Then he dragged me, penniless, to the navel of this great country and found himself a newer, younger, bouncier cool girl. You think I'd let him destroy me and end up happier than ever? No ****ing way. He doesn't get to win. My cute, charming, salt-of-the-earth Missouri guy. He needed to learn. Grown-ups work for things. Grown-ups pay. Grown-ups suffer consequences.
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Member Since: 11/25/2008
Posts: 6,349
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Sitting in the shower? How?
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 35,912
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Quote:
Originally posted by Teneo
It's "normal". Female dogs try thrusting other female dogs when they play in order to make them now who's in charge. If you don't want your dog to do that, tell her that it's not okay to do it and show her another way to play.
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How I do that. I would google it but I don't know what to put in the search bar thingy.
I mean, having "How do I get my dog to stop play-****ing?" in my search history would probably be weird.
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Member Since: 1/20/2012
Posts: 27,830
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I knew this would be your thread
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Member Since: 4/22/2012
Posts: 15,844
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I am screaming
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 39,572
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My dog is a hermaphrodite lady seashell bikini, I win x
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 8,070
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Quote:
Originally posted by
Ohhh my God, I was sitting there in the shower enjoying myself and finishing my masturbating while listening to Kylie Minogue's In Your Eyes on repeat when all of a sudden I look outside and see my dog FORNICATING with another dog. I was utterly shocked and appalled at the sight of it. My dog on this other dog's back ****ing her with nothing cause she ain't got no dick like what the ****. It was basically a non-existent bumps against the decrypted kind of situation cause the other dog it was aunt's. I mean, my dog's a Pitbull so I should've expected this to happen. But I want puppies so how do I cure her? Cause a bitch gone be getting those puppies one way or another. It's funny though cause my moms a lesbian now too. Like owner like pet I guess, but how do I fix her? I didn't get to finish masturbating cause I went limp.
So sad.
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This story is a wild ride from start to finish
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 16,870
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Youre a boy?
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 5,055
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 35,912
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Quote:
Originally posted by -ToxicGuy-
Sitting in the shower? How?
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It's a shower-bath thing and I just sit on the end of the bath thing.
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 5,055
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side note: I'm pretty sure my weave was snatched by an alligator last weekend while I was in Hawaii
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Member Since: 8/1/2012
Posts: 9,673
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Your dog is a 'gay'?
Keep that sinful beast away from my dogs.
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Member Since: 8/18/2013
Posts: 40,566
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Quote:
Originally posted by that G.U.Y.
Youre a boy?
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Isn't anybody defaultly a gay male until they prove otherwise on ATRL?
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Banned
Member Since: 8/18/2013
Posts: 1,352
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Member Since: 1/6/2014
Posts: 11,333
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Quote:
Originally posted by
How I do that. I would google it but I don't know what to put in the search bar thingy.
I mean, having "How do I get my dog to stop play-****ing?" in my search history would probably be weird.
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Well, the next time she does it, stop it and make her sit while communicate to her that it's wrong. Get angry with her everytime she does it (just get angry when she starts thrusting the other dog, not when she starts to play) and she will stop doing it.
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