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Discussion: "Promiscuous gays give our community a bad name!"
Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 5,825
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"Promiscuous gays give our community a bad name!"
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First Dates star Linford Martin joins GuysLikeU as a new regular columnist. Every week he will discuss an issue he is passionate about. This week, he argues that promiscuous gay guys and cheaters offer people a bad impression of our community.
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Earlier this year, I appeared on an episode of First Dates in which I met a guy called Xanthi. Although we had a fun time, we didn’t hit it off. While he went on to appear on the show for a second time, I carried on my life in the real world where I managed to bag the man of my dreams, without the help of a TV show
I met Jess on Facebook, of all places, a few months after my date with Xanthi and hit it off with him straight away. Now, I have never been a believer of love at first sight, but the moment our eyes met, I just knew he was the one for me and we’ve been together ever since! Even though it’s been a short time, I have never trusted anyone more in my life and I’m so pleased to have found a guy I’m positive I will be with forever.
Before Jess, I had endured a string of failed relationships, all of which came to an end because my partners cheated on me. I have been cheated on in almost every relationship I have been in, which has been totally soul destroying. Knowing that someone has been with someone else behind your back makes you constantly question yourself. Am I not good looking enough? Am I not interesting enough? Is there something wrong with me? Honestly, being cheated on really can give you a complex.
But looking back, I like to think the simple fact is, those lads just wanted to get their end away and had nothing to do with me whatsoever as a person. Bottom line, it all boils down to their own insecurities.
Call me old fashioned, or simply moralistic, but I really do think monogamy is ignored by the majority of the gay community and it’s something I personally find very distressing. Social media and apps such as Grindr are popular and only seem to encourage men to stray and I see the art of chivalry slowly dying out.
Now don’t get me wrong, I know there are many gay couples out there who are happy and faithful, myself included. But I know of couples who are in ‘open relationships’, couples who actively go out to seek men to sleep with whether it be as part of a threesome, or simply hooking up with a guy with their partner’s consent.
I know I might sound judgmental, but for me this is not what a relationship should be about! The sad thing is, the gay community has had for years a reputation for being promiscuous, which is something I hate. We have come so far over the past few years in terms of social acceptance, but there is still this grubby perception that gay guys are sex obsessed! I think it’s unfair that that’s what people think about my community because not all of us are like that.
A lot of people think that monogamy is overrated and not for them – fine, that’s entirely their choice, everyone has the right to live the life they want to live – but I ask for them to do so in private. There’s nothing alluring about somebody who has promiscuous traits and also I don’t want people to lump all gay men into the category and think one gay man’s actions reflect us all.
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I don't even know what to say... Wow 
THOUGHTS? 
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ATRL Senior Member
Member Since: 8/1/2012
Posts: 27,547
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This mentality, there is NOTHING wrong with having sex with lots of people, as long as you're doing it safely. All this **** shaming, that both straights and gays do, needs to stop
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 68,548
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I think they're trying to say that there aren't enough gheys who are willing to have a serious relationships, and I can't say I disagree
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Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 6,219
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On the one hand I get where he is coming from but on the other hand why shouldn't people be allowed to do what they want sexually as long as it's safe and consensual?
Just because a large portion of gays are into open relationships and hooking up all the time doesn't mean you have to. Let people be.
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Member Since: 11/13/2011
Posts: 6,570
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the true issue he has with it is actually not what he's stating but another one:
Since open relationships become more and more accepted, it seems that more and more people simply go for it. For somebody who wishes to live in a monogamous relationship, this means it's potentially more difficult to find a partner that shares this sentiment. He's basically insecure and unhappy that it's difficult to find loyal partners these days, and with that I kind of agree.
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Member Since: 3/27/2012
Posts: 18,963
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 6,430
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I agree. Call me old fashioned.
EDIT:
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Originally posted by *-ChriZ-*
the true issue he has with it is actually not what he's stating but another one:
Since open relationships become more and more accepted, it seems that more and more people simply go for it. For somebody who wishes to live in a monogamous relationship, this means it's potentially more difficult to find a partner that shares this sentiment. He's basically insecure and unhappy that it's difficult to find loyal partners these days, and with that I kind of agree.
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This post describes what I agree with
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 5,825
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Quote:
Originally posted by Poe Dameron
This mentality, there is NOTHING wrong with having sex with lots of people, as long as you're doing it safely. All this **** shaming, that both straights and gays do, needs to stop
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!!! I don't get why people have to be judged by the number of people they've had sexual relations/encounters with. The shaming and judging within our community is mind-boggling 
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Banned
Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 4,870
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Member Since: 3/27/2012
Posts: 18,963
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Quote:
Originally posted by *-ChriZ-*
the true issue he has with it is actually not what he's stating but another one:
Since open relationships become more and more accepted, it seems that more and more people simply go for it. For somebody who wishes to live in a monogamous relationship, this means it's potentially more difficult to find a partner that shares this sentiment. He's basically insecure and unhappy that it's difficult to find loyal partners these days, and with that I kind of agree.
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If it’s harder for monogamous-goaled people to find a relationship then the reverse means it’s harder for open-relationship-goaled people to find a relationship.
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Member Since: 4/3/2014
Posts: 4,801
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lol he lives in the same city as me ..
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Banned
Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 7,381
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 2,251
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I do think that the "gay community" is obsessed with sex and everything seems sexualised but he is still very wrong and a mess.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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Quote:
Originally posted by Poe Dameron
This mentality, there is NOTHING wrong with having sex with lots of people, as long as you're doing it safely. All this **** shaming, that both straights and gays do, needs to stop
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Exactly. 
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 1,840
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Member Since: 6/25/2011
Posts: 28,853
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But that goes for straight people as well. Sleeping around with a whole bunch of people is so disgusting. There's a lot more to life. I pretty much agree with what he's saying, just add everybody in there.
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 8,883
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What a judgmental idiot. As if some straight people weren't promiscuous. He basically endorses the state of mind that bigots have towards us gay people, especially gay men. Internalized homophobia teas.
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Member Since: 7/9/2010
Posts: 31,471
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If he's frustrated because of the difficulty of finding a monogamous relationship, then that's fine. He should've worded things differently. Nothing wrong with promiscuity. Plenty of str8's are the same way
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Banned
Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 4,870
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Promiscuity is nothing to be proud of.
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