I have this gay colleague, Tom and we're pretty close since we work in the same department. He said something interesting the other day. He claimed to be sexually attracted to men but not the gay ones. He only finds cute guys attractive as long as they're not gay or act like one. He's been talking to me about his problem and how it's been hard for him to date.

Is this internalized homophobia? str8 chaser? how can I help him?

Internalized homophobia, there is no other explanation for that.

internalized homophobia and oppression

does HE act straight? if not then he has issue himself

Internalised homophobia, yes.

I really don't understand the whole "straight-chasing" thing. I typically can't get a crush on a guy until I know he's gay.

Yes internalized homophobia.

Should I send him to a therapist?

Same. Finding out that someone is gay, makes them hotter to me.

He totally should see a therapist.

Ask him what it is it about gay men that he finds off putting. He might be generalizing all gays from a bad experience. If it's just about the guys "acting" gay, then yes it's internalized homophobia. Perhaps help him be more comfortable with who he is so that he can see others for who they are as well.

He does. He came out after he started college.

Yes. He should definitely speak with a LGBT-affirming counselor. This is textbook internalized homophobia. He's unable to see the qualities he finds attractive in straight men in other gay men.

But, like... If he had like a huge crush on a guy he thinks is straight, approaches him and finds out he's actually gay, would he stop having a crush on him? I mean, there are many gay guys out there who are masculine. Is it the guy being gay what puts him off, or just the guy acting gay?

Y'all are disgusting with the 'homophobia' thing.. He's just attractive to men he can't get, simple...

Exactly. I can think they are cute but unless they are confirmed gay they are just whatever to me. ?? yall are weird

Immediately

I wouldn't say its internalized homophobia, but he did sound ignorant. What he means to say is that he has a preference for masculine men, and is turned off of feminine men. Similar to straight men being turned off of very masculine (straight) women.

Now, if he specifically won't date even a completely masculine gay guy, then yeah hes got some stuff he needs to work out.

THIS

Why?? What if he just isn't attracted to that? What if I'm only attracted to really girly girls? What you call me then?

I love how ATRL will say this is wrong when y'all see any slightly straight D and the WPs go flying

What your friend means is he's attracted to masc guys, which is what 95% of ATRL prefers

What even is "Acting gay" Some straight guys act more feminine than gays. Stereotypes are so off and messy