Top 50 Singles
Oversights
As I progressed further into this countdown I realized two things. Firstly, I did a pretty terrible job planning this list and overlooked several important moments from my musical year. In one instance I went back and created a tie (Nicole Scherzinger's "Poison" and Alexandra Burke's "Broken Heels"), but the thought of going back and editing posts to include songs I overlooked seemed daunting. Secondly, certain songs I have fallen in love with were released just before the end of the year, but just after I had already established my set of 50, and furthermore certain songs that have been out for a long time have finally started to grow on me during this time. Instead of goin through and awarding them rightful positions, I'll just mention them here as "oversights".
3OH!3 My First Kiss (feat. Ke$ha)
Douchey douchey douchey, but it features Ke$ha Ke$ha Ke$ha. It automatically gets a mention for that reason.
Where would it have placed?
Bubbling Under to #45.
3OH!3 Double Vision
Benny Blanco makes everything amazing.
The visual: Frat dudes in some
American Pie-esque douche comedy at a party with "many fine women". Would straight frat guys actually listen to this?
Where would it have placed?
#50
Adele Rolling in the Deep
Adele is quite talented and all that.
My suggestions: More chorus, less verse. Maybe just release a song of nothing but chorus. How unconventional!
Where would it have placed?
Somewhere in the 30s or 20s.
Emily Osment Let's Be Friends
Disney's most forgettable sidekick takes a play out of Miley's
**** Your Way to Continued Relevancy play book and hits us with a surprisingly well produced pop track.
The problem: Making out is as salacious as it gets for Emily, and even then she's not kissing until a friendship has been formed. Bring a book.
Where would it have placed?
The Bubbling Under chart.
Jay Sean 2012 (It Ain't the End of the World) [feat. Nicki Minaj]
What brilliant person thought to release this potential New Years smash a year too soon?
Where would it have placed?
Somewhere between #50 and #40.
Jesse McCartney Shake
There's nothing even remotely sexually attractive about JMac. I wish he wouldn't release these sex jams and try to sell us so hard on his desirability. This only gets a mention because some brilliant person was clever enough to throw in a sample of a ringing phone anytime Jesse references the fact this
shaky bitch loves to blow up his phone.
The visual: Shorty loves to shake shake shake shake shake. I picture an old lady with Parkinson's disease dancing for Jesse. Old people conditions are hi-lar-ious.
Where would it have placed?
Bubbling Under
Kevin Rudolf I Made It (feat. Everyone)
He made it.
Where would it have placed?
Somewhere in the 40s.
Kevin Rudolf You Make the Rain Fall (feat. Flo Rida)
He made it with Flo Rida.
Where would it have placed?
Somewhere in the 40s.
Miranda Cosgrove Dancing Crazy
One part bratty Ke$ha, one part bratty Avril, one part child actor who looks a little bit like there's a problem with her 21st chromosome; this track combines all of my favorite things into one. I actually hate bratty Avril, but her obvious influence here adds a certain
perfect for tweens appeal that is right up my 22 year old tweenage ally.
My suggestions: Change "Everybody's ragin' ragin' crazy" to "Everybody's ragin' ragin' Cajun" because it's hilarious and you don't even know what
raging crazy is and you'd be more likely to get a spot opening for Beyonce.
Where would it have placed?
#1
Myah Marie Chemistry
Ms. Desperatetoworkwithbritney released one of my favorite commercial house tracks of the year. Good stuff.
Where would it have placed?
Top 30, possibly top 20.
Paradiso Girls Who's My Bitch
These tone-deaf bitches attempt to tackle the theme from
Carmen, fail miserably in doing so, but create one of my favorite songs of the year.
It's great because: "You think you're such a big man, you think that you're the first one to see my.... uhhhnnn, to feel my... uhhhhhh, now boy you can touch my ooh-ooh."
Where would it have placed?
Somewhere in the 40s.
Richard Vission & Static Revenger I Like That (feat. Luciana)
I'm opposed to this brand of stupid house music, at least since the Black Eyed Peas got ahold of it and ruined it for all of us, but after a few months I came to the realization that "I Like That" (that being this song). I'm also opposed to Luciana. She's so 2000 and late.
Where would it have placed?
Bubbling Under
Rooney I Can't Get Enough
Had I remembered this song I think Rooney would have been the only guitar wielding group to find a spot on this countdown. Guitar driven rock music sucks, but Rooney do not.
Where would it have placed?
Somewhere in the 30s, possibly.
Sean Kingston Party All Night (Sleep All Day)
With a body like Sean's you really believe he sleeps all day.
Where it would have placed?
#41
Stephen Jerzak
I hate this dog-faced Myspace dweller.
It's great because: Leighton Meester
Where would it have placed?
The top of the Bubbling Under chart.
Tino Coury Diary
The name Tino sounds like a really cheap brand of microwavable personal pizzas. Diary sounds like a really cheap knock-off of a Jay Sean/Jason DeRulo track.
It's great because: He reads off the page numbers of the diary in question and gives his reaction to the content. It's hard for me not to do the same to any sort of multipaged reading I do.
Where would it have placed?
In the 30s.
Vita Chambers Young Money
She's broke.
Where would it have placed?
In the 40s.
Wiz Cauliflower Khalifa Black and Yellow
I don't pay attention to anything but the chorus, so I'm not sure what the significance is of the colors black and yellow. Bumblebee fascination?
Where would it have placed?
#37
