Member Since: 2/13/2012
Posts: 62,082
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Taylor Swift wakes up in her all-white room at 7:00 AM, just like every day. She groans to herself, remembering the tedious night prior: her "buddies", the HAIM sisters and Ed Sheeran, made the house a total disaster (a tiny fingerprint of dirt laced the door; a plastic red cup lay on her nightstand). She knew she had to make it seem like she liked the dirty losers, but the slimy after-smell became harder with each day. Quickly, she removed 3 Xanax pills from her drawer and washed them down with SmartWater - it was going to be a long day.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLIEEEE!" she immediately shrieked. Miss Goulding immediately woke from the living room armchair, making it to Taylor's room in a jiffy; she had fallen asleep in her maid garb after a full night of cleanup. Would today be the day she was asked to run errands with the multiplatinum star? "Ye-yes Taylor?"
Taylor pointed at the dirty fingerprint. "HANDLE it," she exclaimed, smashing a Delirium CD against the wall. "Oh, and fix that crooked 1989 platinum casing," she added, noticing that one of the idiot HAIM sisters probably had bumped into it the night prior.
Rolling her eyes, Taylor rose from her bed, violently shoving Ellie aside ("MOVE, loser.") and made her way to the kitchen.
"ZENDAYAAAA!" she shrieked.
Zendaya awoke from the cement cellar floor (Taylor was very firm in her upbringing; no coloreds on the main floor) and sprinted up the steps for her life. She entered the kitchen, "yes, Miss Swi--?" (Taylor would not permit for a colored woman to use her first name.) Before Zendaya could finish her greeting, Taylor shoved a to-do list in her face. "Hurry the **** up, I have a busy day. Oh, and a mimosa and a poached egg first. Go." Zendaya quickly got to work; she had mastered the Taylor mimosa, and no other house maid could do it quite like her.
Taylor went to her living room to see Calvin Harris, passed out and shirtless, on her sofa.
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