Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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 Acceptance (Hugamari)The song is very straight-forward and it is easy to follow the message and theme of the song. Some extra detail and emotionally charged words might be nice to make the emotion of the song easier to feel. I don't think bigger and more complex words are necessary, just I think some showing could be effective (The: "that a memory's all I have to hold" line for example, is a lot easier for me to relate to than something outright like "It angers me that I had to let you go"). A couple of the more figurative phrases also could use more development, "that good things become twisted" sounds nice, but isn't particularly meaningful in context. All that being said, the song logically flows, it has a solid structure, and isn't over complicated. I just think I would like to have more to relate to and to elevate the narrative.
Deep Freeze (8thPrince)
I really like the chorus and the repetition of "baby." I like the mood you established with all of the ice and water related words. There are some parts that come across as slightly non-nonsensical like "My body tries to save me by setting you free" but the song does maintain a whimsical and fun nature despite being about something serious. I do think that the song could benefit from some more rhymes, since the tone is more fun in tone overall, but I thought it was a fun entry in the time given.
If In A Dream (keshaspearsxo)
I love the consistent tone in the lyrics and the dreamy imagery. I think it's one of your most consistent in terms of tone and story. There are some slightly awkward phrasings here and there like "Perfect land" or "your moves take me great places..." " perfect land especially" stuck out to me since "perfect" as a word qualifies land "too" much for me without leaving some dreaminess to the imagination, but these are a minor couple of personal concerns in one of my favorite entries from you.
Make Me A God (ClarksonSlays)
I appreciate the ambition in writing a song like this. It's a different approach for sure and I think that you worked it out. I think the pre-chorus could be stronger, "little power" feels like an understatement in a song about becoming a god and seems to undercut the message of the song and "to erase my second thoughts," is an awkward phrasing that seems to contrast with the more powerful imagery of the remainder of the lyrics. I do also think the outro is a little anti-climactic; but overall, though I think the entry is pretty godly; great imagery, originality, great word choices. Nice job.
Metamorphosis (EuphorianSea)
The central concept could be fleshed out more in the lyrics to really made the song come together more. The song seems to be about a relationship changing, but I don't know if that comes across as readily in the lyrics. I don't think you would need to constantly reference the metamorphasis, but I think lyrics that rely on a central metaphor such as this more abstract comparison should come be tied in more to the lyrics (like how you do in your outro and pre-chorus). In addition, I think that the second verse rhymes feel a little forced especially compared the the remainder of the lyrics.
Silhouettes (Sam)
The word choice here is bold and striking. Largely, I think it's done well; there is a more mysterious tone set by them and lines like "perceptual illusions cast a shadow of confusion" are obtuse enough to work nicely to maintain that mystical atmosphere. But, a couple lines may go too far like "silhouette facade" which may take things too far with the figurative language and isn't inherently meaningful. The lyrics also mostly do a good job of showing but not telling, but lines like "picturesque oasis" still tell us what the oasis is like and are weaker than the phrases where you show, like "A million silhouettes.of which I'm drawn to only one" which reveals a lot more without outright stating things. A couple of the comparisons also fall flat, like the house of cards lyric, which doesn't fit in with the rest of the imagery, but overall it was a solid entry.
When Im With You (lovesong)
I like the opening line couple lines. It sets up some monotony for contrast later on. I do think some parts of the verses are choppy like the phrasings of the"canopy" and "sanity" lines which don't seem to add much to the overall story and are distracting with their phrasings and focus away from the central relationship. I do like the more straight-forward language used to communicate the lyrics like the first four lines of your first verse. One thing that I noticed while reading through the lyrics is that some of the last lines of your verses "Cause real life is too boring," "my ribs hurt but I don't ever want to stop," don't wrap up the ideas in the verses as well and leave things more open-ended than being satisfying endings which I think could help tie the lyrics together more
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