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Tournament: PLΔTINUM HIT 7
Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 23,393
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Member Since: 2/15/2010
Posts: 26,154
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Ugh! Finally released some of my anger. It feels weird not unleashing at EuphorianSea because she's been ACTUALLY doing well.
Can't say the same for other gorls I was rooting for.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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 ReviewsAin’t Nobody (conatus): For all the times you dragged yourself, this is pretty clever. The hook felt lacking in content and purpose and it didn’t really have a point outside of “I need a hook!” However, the verses had some nice lines and it obviously fit the story. What was most impressive for me was the great sense of meter you expressed in the verses. I could read every line in my head in a distinct rhythm. I don’t really understand the bridge; what’s with the clocks thing? But overall, while we both know this wasn’t your magnum opus, it really wasn’t bad and I’m very glad you tried something new, even if you’re not. I (should be) notorious for giving ratchet rap songs the highest scores at this point but I don’t think most of the judges will disagree with me.
Away (keshaspearsxo): Omg @ your story. That is some intense ****. Anyways I found something so magical about how you used simpler language. Lots of people have been trying to make the words in their songs more complex but for this song you turned the car in reverse and I think it was really effective. And you had a way of saying everything without outright saying it which is what I found offensive about some other people’s songs in the past. My favorite line was “When I found you on the end of the rope I knew I would too”. One of my biggest problems was the lack of rhyming in the verses and bridge. While I feel very childish for taking off points for rhyming at this point, songs really do work best when they have some sort of rhyme scheme in every section. It also felt like the second and fourth line of every stanza in the prechorus were just the same to fill space. I feel like you could’ve put something there that would’ve been more useful to the song. But overall I think you did well!
Gay (Buyonce1814): Ha
Honeyeater (lovesong): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YiwcUdX7XMw I really think this song is a return to greatness! Giving me European Renaissance returning to what made classical Greece and Rome great teas. (Sorry I had a history final four days ago.) I really liked the concept of the honeyeater, and I thought you told your story very well! I love that young love came in like a saviour, and I love that you miss his/her nectar kiss. Those are really powerful. Your song isn’t that long so I think having 2/8 lines be about being stricken down is a little unnecessarily repetitive. But really I think this is a great example of a great song that can tell a story without just saying what happened, making it a little more magical, by using important details of the story in the verses as passages. Good work!
One Room Rave (8thPrince): Mess, it’s not even burnt ramen, it’s CHARCOALED RAMEN. CHARCOALED RAMEN GUYS. Anyhow, I think you could’ve told the story in a less explicit way. You sort of wrote it like you were talking colloquially to a friend, but that sort of strips away a magic from it. I would’ve liked if you didn’t just outright say what was happening but rather found a way to explain it in a more lyrical way. Also, I really think you need to look through your songs and decide if something is too silly for a song, namely in this one charcoaled ramen saying there’s a plate for you at home. I get it’s good for the kiis but it really does take away from your songs and this has been a repeated issue. I also felt like Chorus B was very brief and could’ve been expanded on a little more. However it was a nice idea and your story was very clear. Nice work!
One-Way Mirror (Sam ): Cover game almost too strong. Anyways I haven’t liked some of your storytelling songs in the past but I actually think you nailed the approach with this one. You used the motif of the one-way mirror and other metaphors/symbols throughout that worked much better. You had some lines I really liked, like “choking down a nervous smile” and all the stuff about the mirror. I actually think your chorus could’ve been reduced a little length; the second half isn’t saying much different from the first half, so I think only one half of three fourths of that initial chorus length would’ve been necessary. Your story was crystal clear but it wasn’t because you just said it. It was because you told it in a way that anyone could understand yet had depth. Good work on this one.
Over (dwuw): This song felt a little ordinary. You didn’t really take any new approaches to this concept and thus it feels a little plain. You did tell a story, and your story was very clear, but I would’ve liked if you found new ways to explain this sort of situation. Since the language is very familiar, it creates a feeling of impersonality, like you haven’t been through this. Now, I’m guessing you haven’t been through this, but the song would’ve benefitted more if it had a stronger illusion that you have gone through this. The triteness was my biggest issue. That being said, you still had some nice moments, like the throwing part. You’ve improved a lot since the first time you played!
Persephone (inuborg): I didn’t want to be too extreme in this review but… I really, really loved this. I love how you gave Persephone a name. Something about the whole song just felt so real. You used such nice language and everything sounds beautiful and heartbreaking. This isn’t a situation I’ve ever experienced, but yet I found myself experiencing the emotions of the song, every toss and turn. You really proved with this song why you’re still in this competition and why you’re not going anywhere. Really, really a great job.
Red Light (Era): I liked the car motif and you did a pretty good job with it. However, I’ve just heard it so many times before. I don’t know, I just feel like that’s nothing that really challenged anything. Sometimes you took new approaches to it (like “run all the red lights” which I loved) but other times you didn’t (like “keep your foot on the brake”). I did think you told your story well and got it across. I feel like you kinda chickened out with the line “But I guess I left a pretty deep scar”. Saying “I guess” and “pretty deep” make it a lot less powerful. Overall this wasn’t the best song you’ve ever done, but it’s still good work!
Ring-A-Round (Hugamari): I think you were worried about making sure you told your story. In my opinion, it’s more powerful when a story is told without being so clear-cut. I think power was the main issue of this song. Your chorus, while encapsulating the situation well, didn’t really have much weight to it. It needed more umph, more of a punch, something less simple. It’s hard to explain what exactly makes something powerful; it’s really more of a case-by-case thing for me, and eventually you’ll get the feel of it. But while power can often lie in simplicity, I think there could’ve been more complexity to this.
Ship in a Bottle (ClarksonSlays): I wish you took a different approach to telling the story than just saying what happened. You had some really cool ideas, like forgiving God (wow!) but the way you executed them could’ve been better (not just saying “I did that”). It’s really hard to write a purely happy song with nothing else, which is why I’m surprised anyone bothered taking this prompt. It’s hard to make someone feel happy just from reading words. I think what you could’ve done to improve this song is given it context. I know it’s hard from the choices in the prompt, but I think if you picked out one or maybe two of those reasons that he/she is happy and expanded on them the song would’ve worked better
Stuck with Me (JustLuke): When you were telling the story, I think it could’ve used more subtlety. For example, a song with no subtlety would be “Seven AM, waking up in the morning / Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs / Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal / Seeing everything the time is going”. While your song is not even relatively close to quality with Friday by Rebecca Black, you did have moments like the first two lines that were similar. Some of your lines had a lot of strength behind them (“human land mines” perfectly encapsulates what I imagine the protagonist is feeling) but other ones weren’t as much so (“Wrote a list of what I hope to achieve”). Try to strive for having each line be like “human land mines”; with lots of weight and power behind it!
Tough Love (EuphorianSea): I feel like you really understand the situation at a level deeper than superficially, which I really liked. I liked that you didn’t just say “I come back every time, for like some reason I don’t know lmao” but you said “I felt so weak, I felt so numb / Without, without, without your tough love” which makes it much more meaningful. Honestly if I saw this song at the beginning of the season I would’ve never known it’s you, but I think that’s for the better. You have so many great lines like “If this is love then I can’t understand” but unlike before they’re utilized in a much more logical way. My only problem is that some things are awkwardly phrased like “But I got a call, was a man.../...Knife was no longer in my grasp”.
The Tree (GotSkill): Normally asking questions annoys me in songs, but I really liked the use of “Is this love?” with the situation told after it. It really envelops the doubt that the protagonist is feeling, and perfectly expresses it. You really had a certain magic to your story and the way you told it (“Give my life up to a stranger in the night”). The song really just felt like heartbreak and a hard life. A song like this is something you can feel like you can relate to even if you haven’t experienced it yourself. This is really good work, and even though I know you’re on the fence about if you even want to continue playing I’m giving you a good score. But if you really, really, really don’t want to play anymore at a certain point I would ask that you give up your spot to someone else, although I hope you do stay and continue to have good experiences in this game.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 13,381
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What did I come onto
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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These challenges digging my grave I can't.
I swear to ****ing god if I get eliminated and the next challenge is like "Let out your freaky side! This week, you need to write the next radio-friendly sex song SMASH!" I will kill someone.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 40,803
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Quote:
Originally posted by Golden
Ugh! Finally released some of my anger. It feels weird not unleashing at EuphorianSea because she's been ACTUALLY doing well.
Can't say the same for other gorls I was rooting for.
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Check the post I quoted with this gif in the last page.
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Member Since: 2/15/2010
Posts: 26,154
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Quote:
Originally posted by feelslikeadream
OR you can learn how to read instead of instigating. My comment was: "I’m not even sure what it’s saying exactly and how every little thing sticking with you has anything to do with being a loser and then not being one in the end."
In other words, your concept is about "being a loser and then not being one in the end." I understand that. Now what does "every little thing sticking with you" have to do with this narrative?
I understand what the song was saying, and was asking why the first line of the chorus felt tangential to it.
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I refuse. JustLuke's song was simplistic, personal, had a great message & was well-written. Not to mention the song showed GROWTH.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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I thought Tymps. would hate it the most. 
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 23,393
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Luke made me proud with his song tbh
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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Quote:
Originally posted by MattyTacos
What did I come onto
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The best results show ever. I'm living
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 59,202
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Quote:
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Stuck with Me (JustLuke): When you were telling the story, I think it could’ve used more subtlety. For example, a song with no subtlety would be “Seven AM, waking up in the morning / Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs / Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal / Seeing everything the time is going”. While your song is not even relatively close to quality with Friday by Rebecca Black, you did have moments like the first two lines that were similar. Some of your lines had a lot of strength behind them (“human land mines” perfectly encapsulates what I imagine the protagonist is feeling) but other ones weren’t as much so (“Wrote a list of what I hope to achieve”). Try to strive for having each line be like “human land mines”; with lots of weight and power behind it!
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You comparing me to one of my favourite songs 
Thank you 
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
Originally posted by Golden
Ugh! Finally released some of my anger. It feels weird not unleashing at EuphorianSea because she's been ACTUALLY doing well.
Can't say the same for other gorls I was rooting for.
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EuphorianSea is my name, don't wear it out
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hugamari
These challenges digging my grave I can't.
I swear to ****ing god if I get eliminated and the next challenge is like "Let out your freaky side! This week, you need to write the next radio-friendly sex song SMASH!" I will kill someone.
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This will be me except with a song about death and God.
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 40,803
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Quote:
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Now, I’m guessing you haven’t been through this, but the song would’ve benefitted more if it had a stronger illusion that you have gone through this.
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No I didn't I'm 15.
Anyway this wasn't bad. Thank you Ilove you
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 9/2/2011
Posts: 21,728
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Omg yesss
and double yes at the Sleigh Bells reference
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 40,803
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When you want SO MUCH attention you write your posts with size 5 or something like that, but at the end everyone ignores you.
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Member Since: 2/15/2010
Posts: 26,154
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Try to strive for having each line be like “human land mines”; with lots of weight and power behind it!
YES. This is what you need to listen to Luke.
This is such good critique. Poor feelslikeadream.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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Bu's review.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 13,381
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Were my reviews posted?
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