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Tournament: PLΔTINUM HIT 7
Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Omg Tymps gave me a 4 last week that's like a double increase
Wow
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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 Part 1A Part of Me (Nait Phoenix): This song felt like a children’s book, and I know that sounds mean but let me explain myself. Children’s books are their own genre of writing. If this were to be a children’s book it would be straight fire! But for a song, this was too simple and the structure of the song had no repetition of parts lyrically. I could’ve used two or more choruses in there instead of one. It felt a little childish. Hopefully you make it to the next round because you can do much better than this..
Around the Fire (dwuw): This song wasn’t bad but it wasn’t your best. The excessive use of the word “escape” in the beginning was distracting. Also the bottle-glass part of the chorus doesn’t make much sense, since a bottle wouldn’t have multiple glasses. I’m doing this nitpicky work because I feel you’re at a level at which I can do that and it’s useful. I liked the use of the poison parts.
Battleground (JustLuke): I liked this one! You’ve improved so much since you first played seasons ago and it’s very noticeable. Be careful not to invert sentence structures (e.g. “A cure for this I haven't found” or an example from another song not from this comp, “To be sad I will not”). Also, if you are going to tell a story in your song it should be in more than one part of it. It’s a little strange you told that cool story in the second verse but there’s no other parts of the story anywhere else. Still, good job!
Beautiful & Deadly (Hugamari): These are really cute. It’s a very typical Hugamari song but it’s executed well. You had a lot of cool lines that I liked. However, the verses did not match up the the rest of the song’s quality in my opinion. It’s really important especially for the beginning of your song to be strong so that the listener is drawn in. Don’t wait to pull all of your best shots. Otherwise, good job!
Birdsong (lovesong): All the songs about birds are slaying me this season! (inb4 I get five songs about birds next round because of this comment  ) Very accessible, very clear, but also very innovative and interesting. Concise(!) but memorable. Very relatable but also very different. And aren’t these the goals of songwriting in general? Great job, lovesong.
Broken Wounds (Jezang Looz): Before I proceed… how can a wound be broken? I know this is such a feelslikeadream comment but it doesn’t really make much sense and I’m getting a headache trying to understand it. Anyhow I did think you did a good job. I don’t want you to get excessive with the SAT vocabulary though. I think the song’s main downfall is that I feel like you’re trying to please the judges with this song. While that’s fine, keep the you in it as well! Good job!
Butterflies (swiftie13): Good job! This was a cute love song and I feel it was executed well. It did actually get a little too poetic for me at some points in the verses and I would’ve liked it to come down a little. The chorus was simple but effective. It’s just that sometimes when a song gets so poetic, it can feel a little stoic and less genuine. I know this is confusing because normally I’m asking for the exact opposite. Try to strike a balance!
Don’t Hold Your Breath (The Original High): This song didn’t feel special to me. The chorus felt very literal and too straightforward. It just feels too simple. There’s not enough interesting things going on to keep one’s attention. I hope next round if you are still here that you return to your normal level of quality and slay once again.
Fire’s Beat (DripDrip): Maybe I’m missing something but the verse rhyme scheme seems sloppy. I’m also really confused by the “deer” part. You’ve demonstrated well throughout the season so far that you know how to be creative and get the attention of the judges, but it could be a little more focused. I liked a lot of the ideas here, though. (p.s. “The way my voice is all chocked up.”)
Happiness (HausofNiko): It’s very hard to write a song when your only parameter is that it must be happy. In Season 5 that was one of our rounds and it was very very difficult for me so I understand how writing this would be difficult. However, this song almost feels too irritatingly happy at some parts. It’s hard but happy songs can be deep as well. Also, I don’t really understand the second verse and how non-fiction could be a myth (and what purpose that would serve). I know you can do better than this.
Hold My Soul Tonight (YoungCalifornia): It might just be me but the verses aren’t making much sense. Why filled with amity? Why hematite? Just some really weird, disjointed references. Very creative but like some other contestants this round it could be focused in more.
Just a Dream (ClarksonSlays): This song feels very simple. Not saying simplicity is bad inherently, but I don’t think it worked for you in this song. Everything is clear and makes sense but it’s lacking complexity. Lines that exhibited more complexity were ones like “Your half smiles are all I’ll know”.
Lucid Control (Eros): This was a very intriguing approach to your theme! It just left me a little lost. I struggled to find meaning in the song. There were lots, lots, lots of cool ideas but the juxtaposition of them isn’t working for me. I don’t take off points for not understanding a song normally but rather for feeling like a song was disjointed, and that was the case here. Next time, try to reel your song in a little more and make it more focused.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 40,803
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Quote:
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Around the Fire (dwuw): This song wasn’t bad but it wasn’t your best. The excessive use of the word “escape” in the beginning was distracting. Also the bottle-glass part of the chorus doesn’t make much sense, since a bottle wouldn’t have multiple glasses. I’m doing this nitpicky work because I feel you’re at a level at which I can do that and it’s useful. I liked the use of the poison parts.
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Yay, this isn't too bad. I know this song isn't my best, I struggled A LOT this week.
Thank you for the review.
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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Omg TT please be more careful with cutting out my scores. 
EDIT: nvm
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
Originally posted by Tymps.
No offense but I made it really obvious... if you're still confused...
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But now you're making it more confusing 
Oh, so inuborg did get an 8? I'm happy for her! Loving the double bluff, Tymps 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 59,202
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Yay!
Very happy with my comment, thank you Tymps, I'll take those comments on board!
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Member Since: 2/15/2010
Posts: 26,154
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Also the bottle-glass part of the chorus doesn’t make much sense, since a bottle wouldn’t have multiple glasses
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I literally told him this 
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Member Since: 3/27/2012
Posts: 27,951
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I’m also really confused by the “deer” part.
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People hunt deer, Adam 
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Mess if I don't make it into the top 10 this week
Y'all bitches need to flop harder pls
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 40,803
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Quote:
Originally posted by Golden
I literally told him this |
But I didn't have time to change it.
And I couldn't come up with anything else.
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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Quote:
Originally posted by DripDrip
People hunt deer, Adam |
What does this post mean??? Stop confusing me please??? um no tbh???????
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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That LGBT dog is soy cute btw
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 40,803
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Quote:
Originally posted by EuphorianSea
Mess if I don't make it into the top 10 this week
Y'all bitches need to flop harder pls
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YOur song deserves the top 10
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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Maybe I should stop writing my songs like songs. No one understands them as songs, only poetry without melody. I'm starting to realize that. Besides, melody doesn't affect my chances (even though this is a songwriting competition, not a lyric competition), so I might as well stop trying to make these full-length songs like the competition this is based off of did.
Alright, from this day on, I'm done recording my material for this game. I'm just going to write the words, regardless of rhythm or melody. All that matters are the words and meaning, right? 
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Member Since: 2/15/2010
Posts: 26,154
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Quote:
Originally posted by EuphorianSea
Mess if I don't make it into the top 10 this week
Y'all bitches need to flop harder pls
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Dead at you having to rely on others to flop in order to reach the T10.
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
Originally posted by JustLuke
Yay!
Very happy with my comment, thank you Tymps, I'll take those comments on board!
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I actually want you to slay the competition so bad even if it doesn't seem like it.
The new and improved MattyTacos.
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Member Since: 2/15/2010
Posts: 26,154
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nait Phoenix
Maybe I should stop writing my songs like songs. No one understands them as songs, only poetry without melody. I'm starting to realize that. Besides, melody doesn't affect my chances (even though this is a songwriting competition, not a lyric competition), so I might as well stop trying to make these full-length songs like the competition this is based off of did.
Alright, from this day on, I'm done recording my material for this game. I'm just going to write the words, regardless of rhythm or melody. All that matters are the words and meaning, right? |
Tbh this post kinda makes me realise this competition is more about poetry than actual songwriting. I mean, songs rely entirely on interpretation. What you read in your head may sound completely different to another person. 
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
Originally posted by dwuw
YOur song deserves the top 10
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From what I'm gathering here, my song is good enough for top 10-material
But I feel like I won't even crack the top 15
Y'all are just too talented
Quote:
Originally posted by Golden
Dead at you having to rely on others to flop in order to reach the T10.
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At least I said it before you 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nait Phoenix
Maybe I should stop writing my songs like songs. No one understands them as songs, only poetry without melody. I'm starting to realize that. Besides, melody doesn't affect my chances (even though this is a songwriting competition, not a lyric competition), so I might as well stop trying to make these full-length songs like the competition this is based off of did.
Alright, from this day on, I'm done recording my material for this game. I'm just going to write the words, regardless of rhythm or melody. All that matters are the words and meaning, right? |
Incorrect, at least for season 7.
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